5 Great Benefits of Honest Prayer

I didn’t know it, but I wasn’t praying honest prayers. Instead, I was praying what I thought good Christians should pray.

Like many Christians I’d memorized verses such as “all things work together for good” and “give thanks in all circumstances (Romans 8:28, 1 Thessalonians 5:18). When bad things happened, I’d quote these verses, thank God for the good he would work, and push away questions. Trying to trust God, I did something akin to closing my eyes, putting my hands over my ears, and saying, “Lalalalalal—just have faith—lalalalalala.”

After a second trimester miscarriage, I dutifully did these things and refused to think about problems. I thought I was fine. I didn’t feel angry at God; actually, I didn’t feel anything towards God. That concerned me, but I dismissed it as emotional exhaustion.

Was I angry with God?

But then I exploded when a houseguest moved my get-well cards (thankfully, she wasn’t home). I realized I’d been unreasonably upset lately over many minor things. I wondered if I were angry with God. Was that even safe?

I knew it was foolish and dishonest to rage against God for my own mistakes (Proverbs 19:3). But what about talking to him in the same way I might talk to anyone whose actions I didn’t understand but whom I knew dearly loved me? Indeed, Psalm 42:11 teaches us to search out the truth of what disturbs us so we can find hope in God:

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Psalm 42:11

I looked up “anger” in my Bible’s concordance to see how God might respond. It said he is slow to anger and full of understanding and compassion. Also, since God expects me to be patient and forgiving towards others’ anger, I thought he must be that way too. Then I considered, if I was angry with God, he already knows it, so I may as well talk to him about it.

I headed out to a deserted schoolyard and prayed, “I think I might be mad at you, God.” I began listing the things that bothered me and I’d been refusing to think about. Quickly I discovered I was mad—really mad.

Everything spilled out, even little things such as, “Now I can’t enjoy a future pregnancy!” I disclosed every fear: “How will I face those church members who think my loss was due to lack of faith?” I asked every question: “How could you let something bad happen when I’m your child?”

Surprisingly, such honest prayer helped me five ways.

1) Honest prayer resolved some issues immediately

No sooner were the words out of my mouth about not being able to enjoy a future pregnancy than I realized the complaint wasn’t valid—irritation over not enjoying something is merely peevish.

2) Honest prayer uncovered my anger’s true source

When I demanded, “Everyone else can have children; why can’t I?” I instantly realized my error. Many women cannot have children; some also have no husband. Ignoring my secret thoughts had kept me believing a lie and thinking God was denying me a right. A sense of entitlement was the basis of my anger, when the truth was God owed me nothing.

3) Honest prayer brought peace

The fact that some issues resolved immediately gave me hope the others could resolve too. I still hurt, but now I had peace.

4) Unresolved questions were exposed so I could seek answers

Before I had felt as if an insurmountable mountain had erupted on the path before me. Now I felt as if the looming pinnacle was replaced by a path with individual, manageable hurdles. I could face them one at a time.

5) Honest prayer grew my faith

The difference between how I was attempting to trust God before and after may seem subtle, but the effects were significant. Before, I was closing my eyes lest something be exposed that weakened my faith. But while closed eyes can’t see problems, neither can they see God. When I opened my eyes and took questions and problems to God rather than ignoring them, I began to find answers. Instead of weakening, my faith in God’s goodness grew. I still quoted verses and trusted God over what I didn’t understand, but out of faith rather than fear. I was searching for understanding “as for hidden treasures,” and was beginning to find it (Proverbs 2:4-6).

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

Psalm 139:23

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