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How to Embroider Scripture Symbolically

Embroider Scripture Psalm 30

Embroider Scripture: Psalm 30

Edited 9/12/23.

I like to embroider Scripture. It’s fun and doesn’t take a lot of talent. By the time I finish a piece, I’ve got the Scripture memorized and I’ve meditated a lot on its meaning. Then I can frame and hang it so that it becomes not just a daily reminder of the passage, but a conversation piece for guests.

Last year I finally finished a large needlework that had taken years to complete. I wanted to try some smaller, faster pieces. I sketched some ideas for Psalm 71:14. But that was right about when artist Karla Dornacher joined author Pam Farrel and me in creating the book, Discovering Hope in the Psalms. She created bookmarks that people could trace or cut out. I realized these would be perfect small projects!

I hoped to finish all of them before the book came out, but that didn’t happen. I’m working on the third bookmark now, so here I’ll explain how to embroider Scripture from two of the book’s eight bookmarks. I’ll also explain the symbolism I used. I hope this inspires you in your own creative endeavors, whether or not you choose to embroider Scripture.

How to Transfer Bookmarks to Fabric

The bookmarks I used are on page 223 of Discovering Hope in the Psalms. Mine differs a tiny bit because I used Karla’s early illustrations, before she created the page with four bookmarks.

If you have an all-in-one printer that can scan and copy, the easiest way to transfer the bookmarks is to scan and print or copy the page on printable fabric. I scanned and printed the bookmarks on EQ Printables Inkjet Cotton Lawn Fabric Sheets that I loaded into my HP Inkjet.

If you don’t have access to an all-in-one printer, big box office stores can print on fabric. Or you can go low-tech and trace the bookmarks onto your fabric with a sharp, pale fabric pencil.

Optional: Add a Colored Background to the Fabric

I used Adobe Photoshop to add a semi-transparent gradient background to each bookmark before I printed.

How to Prepare Fabric to Embroider Scripture

If you’re using printable fabric, follow the instructions that come with it for removing excess ink. When it’s dry, sew 4” strips of scrap fabric to all sides, enlarging the 8.5” x 11” original to 16.5” x 19” so it can fit into a 13” diameter embroidery hoop.

Supplies

Embroider Scripture

Bookmarks printed on fabric

  • Prepared fabric (see above)
  • Embroidery hoop at least 13″ across
  • Embroidery needles
  • Needle threader
  • Embroidery scissors
  • Magnifying lamp (I use the Carson DeskBrite)
  • Embroidery thread of your choosing

How to Embroider Scripture: Psalm 30:11-12

I love Psalm 30. The first stanza always reminds me of how God delivered and saved me: “You restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.” So the butterfly Karla put on the bookmark is perfect because a butterfly symbolizes being born again. I changed the bunting around “into” and “me with” to a vine to represent Jesus is the vine and we are the branches (John 15:4).

Paul used a seed “dying” in the ground before springing to new life as a metaphor for our earthly bodies dying before Christ raises us in new, resurrected bodies (1 Corinthians 15:35-44). In my mind, then, the flower stands for the resurrection. The last line of Psalm 30 is “I will give thanks to you forever,” which speaks to me of the resurrection. I changed the scallops at the top and bottom into tiny flowers to represent friends and family who will resurrect as well.

Light orange is my main color because it’s such a happy color, making it perfect for a verse about dancing and gladness. The pale blue background complements the orange. The butterfly and flower seemed a perfect way to practice needle painting. I had to adjust the shape of the flower a bit and left off some internal lines.

Downloads and Links

The Discovering Hope in the Psalms Super Bonus Bundle has more detailed instructions, including the DNC thread colors and stitches I used. For more on needle painting (including more on preparing and protecting fabric), see Needle Painting Embroidery by Trish Burr. For more on selecting color schemes, see Colour Confidence in Embroidery by the same author.

How to Embroider Scripture: Psalm 73:26

Embroider Scripture Psalm 73

Embroider Scripture: Psalm 73:26

The choirmaster Asaph wrote Psalm 73 about how God kept his feet from slipping when envy of the wicked nearly destroyed his faith. The white and gray flowers represent how we see some truths clearly and others dimly until heaven.

“GOD” is white to represent that he is light. I used a padded stitch to look like light radiating. The white didn’t stand out enough from the background so I added a scarlet border to represent the blood of Jesus, the means to bringing us to God.

“STRENGTH” is steel gray to represent the strength of steel, but it’s on a soft, padded background to represent God’s tenderness. He strongly but tenderly binds our broken hearts.

The word “heart” is scarlet, the color of a human heart physically. “Forever” is silver to give the feel of stars sparkling, which reminds me of eternity.

“Portion” is interesting. The first layer is white to represent being filled with the Holy Spirit. I added scarlet lines and dots to represent being filled in another way, through the blood of Jesus. It turned out messy looking and I considered pulling it out, but I decided the Cross was messy. So I left it to remind me of the great pains God took to bring us to him.

The leaves are variegated green because gray would have blended them in with the flowers too much and black would have distracted from the words. It’s purely utilitarian, though I suppose green could represent new life!

I used whitework techniques here. Whitework is typically done on a solid white background, but I didn’t choose the technique until after I’d printed the fabric. I couldn’t keep the Scripture reference where it was and so far don’t see a good place to add it. I’ll probably put it on the ribbon backing I’ll add later.

Downloads and Links

The Discovering Hope in the Psalms Super Bonus Bundle has more detailed instructions, including the DNC thread colors and stitches I used. For more on whitework, see Whitework with Colour by Trish Burr.

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6 Simple and Fun Ways to Meditate on God’s Words

Psalm 1 tells us the blessed person will meditate on God’s instructions, not simply hear or read them: “Blessed is the man … who meditates on his law day and night” (Psalm 1:1-2). “Meditate” means to think deeply and carefully about something. But sometimes we don’t know how to do that. Here are six simple and fun ways to meditate on God’s words.

How to Meditate on God’s Words

Here are the general steps I use to meditate on God’s words. These aren’t hard-and-fast steps so much as habits I’ve found useful over the years. If you’re new to any of these, try one or two ways for a few weeks until you’re comfortable with them, then add another.

Meditate & record Psalm 1

Figure 1: Record the results of meditation with symbols, notes and quick sketches

1.      Pray for Guidance

I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me and show me anything God wants to particularly speak to me about. Prayer reminds me reading God’s words is a conversation, and that sets the tone for meditation.

2.      Meditate While Reading the Passage

I read through the passage looking for what God is saying. I think about how the passage relates to me and others today. If there are instructions, I ask myself if I’m following them and how I could implement them. I ask God about anything I don’t understand.

3.      Meditate While Reading Notes

If you have a Bible with study notes, you can read the notes next. I highly recommend Bibles with study notes—they explain ancient customs and help you understand context, which enhances meditation on God’s words.

Currently, I’m reading through the NIV Zondervan Study Bible so after I read a passage, I read the notes on it and look up some of the cross-references.

For the Psalms, I put a flower next to the psalm’s header to let me know I’ve read the study notes. I add a second flower to let me know I read my favorite Psalms commentary on it, too. When I’ve finished all the notes in a book of the Bible, I put a flower next to the book’s name in the table of contents.

4.      Record what You Learned from Meditating in Your Bible

Meditate and record

Figure 2: underline similar and contrasting ideas using color

Draw and write the results of your meditation right into your Bible. My Bible’s pages are very thin, so I use the Pigma Micron Bible Study Kit, which is six colored pens that don’t bleed through Bible pages.

I draw symbols next to the text to represent main ideas (for example, a green cross to represent Old Testament passages that relate to Jesus–see Figure 1). Some of the scribbles make sense to only me, but that’s okay: I’m not doing it for other people, just God and me. I know what they mean and they remind me of themes quickly. I created a legend at the back of my Bible to keep track of the symbols. In previous Bibles, I’ve used fewer symbols. This Bible’s notes trace major biblical themes so I’m using more symbols to track these. It’s a good idea to start simple and build, using just symbols meaningful to you.

I look for repeated ideas and either underline them in the same color or put a small symbol next to every instance so I see the connections (see Figure 2).

I might squeeze in a few notes anywhere I can find space, such as the top margin or next to a heading (the prose sections of this Bible—such as the historical books and the letters—have tiny margins). The books of poetry (such as Psalms and Proverbs) have a little more margin so I might illustrate key concepts in more detail (see Figure 1).

Meditate in prayer

Figure 3: Meditative prayer on Psalm 1

5.      Meditate Prayerfully

I often finish up with meditative prayer about what I’ve read. The passage is God’s words to me, so I respond by talking to him about what he said. The book, Discovering Hope in the Psalms (that I co-authored with Pam Farrel and Karla Dornacher) teaches how to do this. Here are the basic steps:

  1. Praise God for something I see of his character in the passage
  2. Confess anything that convicts me in the passage
  3. Ask for help to do something the passage calls me to do
  4. Thank God for something in the passage

6.      Meditate Creatively

After I meditate using my Bible, I decide if I want to do anything further to work the verses into my life. Here are some things I might do to continue meditating on a passage after I’ve closed my Bible.

Torah Psalm by Jean E. Jones

Figure 4: A personal psalm based on Psalm 1

  1. Plan to do something the passage says to do
  2. Write a particularly encouraging verse in a journal, usually with thoughts and illustrations
  3. Write out a passage so I can memorize it
  4. Dictate the passage into my smart phone so I can memorize it
  5. Write a psalm or poem based on the passage (see Figure 4)
  6. Creatively interact with the passage in other ways

Creatively exploring a passage is another form of meditation. It helps us remember a passage better. Many creative expressions are also ways to proclaim a message, either on social media or in our homes where they might spark conversation. Our book, Discovering Hope in the Psalms, has lots of creative ideas, including Karla Dornacher illustrations which can be colored (see Figure 5).

I also like putting verses into cross stitch and embroidery—these are fun ways to memorize Scripture and I end up with something pretty that keeps the verse before me for years while also becoming a conversation piece. Recently, I purchased a Crossway Journaling ESV Bible to hold more detailed illustrations, and I’ve started sketching ideas for that. This will be a way to meditate in a different Bible.

Meditate through art

Figure 5: Psalm 1 art from “Discovering Hope in the Psalms”

Resources

Here are Amazon affiliate links to products and ideas I referred to or used:

And of course, the new book I co-authored with Pam Farrel and Karla Dornacher:

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5 Reasons to Write a Wisdom Psalm (and How to Do It)

One day while I was meditating on the message of Psalm 1 that those who follow God’s instructions will be blessed in ways that those who don’t miss out on, I started thinking about my own life and the lives of those I knew. I’d seen couples who made forgiving an essential part of marriage grow closer, while those who held grudges divorced. Friends committed to honesty matured spiritually, while those who hid sins behind lies stagnated. Teens who chose godly friends avoided trouble, but those who hung out with the wrong crowd went astray.

One thing in particular stood out: God had delivered me from the tongue of a slanderer, even though some believed her lies. I thought of the hurts, broken relationships, and lost ministry left in her wake.

Then I thought of other women who embraced truth and kindness. Everyone wanted to be their friends, including me. I felt uplifted when I talked to them, and I knew I could trust their every word because they were so cautious to speak truth. I wanted to emulate them.

I decided to write a psalm about what God says about this, using Psalm 1 as a guide. Psalm 1 is a Torah psalm, which is a psalm that proclaims the goodness of God’s instructions (Torah means “law” or “instructions”). It’s a type of wisdom psalm, which is a psalm that explains how to become wise. Here’s what I wrote:

A Wisdom Psalm by Jean E. Jones

Torah Psalm by Jean E. Jones

A Psalm of Jean E. Jones

5 Reasons to Write a Wisdom Psalm

After writing this psalm, I realized more clearly why the psalmists wrote wisdom psalms, and in particular Torah psalms. These psalms

  1. proclaim the wisdom of God’s commands;
  2. teach others how following God’s instructions brings blessing;
  3. encourage meditation on why God’s instructions make sense;
  4. glorify God by proclaiming his goodness for making known how we should live; and
  5. are an act of worship.

When I wrote the first draft of Discovering Hope in the Psalms, I included instructions for optionally writing a wisdom psalm. The women who timed the lessons for me all wrote one, which I’m including below. One of the women, Jean Strand, printed her psalm in a lovely script and framed it. Hanging it on the wall made it something to talk about with guests. She brought it to our summer Bible study last year and everyone asked for copies! They also pleaded for instructions so they could write their own wisdom psalms; I said they’d be in the book.

But as we were finishing up the book, Harvest House (my publisher) asked me to cut ten pages so they could keep the price point down. I decided to move the instructions from the book to here. I’ll provide a link to those instructions in a moment. (Update 9/12/2023: The instructions are now in the Bonus Bundles and Super Bonus Bundles for both Discovering Hope in the Psalms and Discovering Wisdom in Proverbs.)

But first, here are the wisdom psalms my friends wrote. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

A Wisdom Psalm by Jean Strand

Torah Psalm by Jean Strand

A Psalm of Jean Strand

A Wisdom Psalm by Angie Wright

Torah Psalm by Angie Wright

A Psalm of Angie Wright

A Wisdom Psalm by Virginia Thompson

Torah Psalm by Virginia Thompson

A Psalm of Virginia Thompson

***

So which of God’s commands amazes you as to how following it brings blessing? Download and print the instructions for How to Write a Wisdom Psalm and create your own this week! You can post them here or in the Facebook group, Discovering Hope in the Psalms. Enjoy!

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Will there be Sadness in Heaven over Unsaved Loved Ones? Part 3

In this series, I answer a reader who asked whether there will be sadness in heaven for parents of unsaved children. In Part 1, I listed several unsatisfying approaches to the question. Part 2 explains the first of three considerations involving this question: that blood relationships to both saved and unsaved children will change in heaven. This post examines two more considerations, both ways the judgment will affect sadness in heaven.

2) Revelation will Lessen Sadness in Heaven

Two of my girlfriends who thought they had married nearly perfect, godly men recently discovered their husbands had been involved in long-term affairs. Both women were shocked to find out that the men they were certain they knew intimately were actually living double lives: there was the “faithful Christian” life they portrayed in front of family and church friends, and then there was the worldly life they lived among others and in their thoughts.

Both men called hiding their sin from others “compartmentalizing”; the Bible calls it “walking in darkness” (John 3:20-21). The wives had loved a façade, not who that person really was.

Sometimes We Love a Facade

We cannot know with certainty what another person is like here on earth. But at the judgment, God will expose people’s hidden sins and motives (Romans 2:16; 1 Corinthians 4:5; Matthew 10:26). When we see the true nature of people who continued in evil and refused to repent, that nature may shock us, but it will also enlighten us as to why they don’t belong in the kingdom of heaven. Sometimes we will learn we loved a façade and the person we thought we loved never existed.

The “Remains” of the Unsaved will Differ

The question remains: The saved resurrect to glorified bodies, but what of the unsaved? Jesus speaks of “both soul and body” being destroyed in hell (Matthew 10:28), but the type of body isn’t clear. C. S. Lewis argues in The Problem of Pain that it will be less than the earthly body:

What is cast (or casts itself) into hell is not a man: it is “remains”. To be a complete man means to have the passions obedient to the will and the will offered to God: to have been a man—to be an ex-man or ”damned ghost”—would presumably mean to consist of a will utterly centred in its self and passions utterly uncontrolled by the will.” (1953: 113-114)

He illuminates his meaning further in the novel, The Great Divorce. If Lewis is right, then seeing ex-humans with uncontrolled wills will do much to help us understand why they are lost (though without necessarily stopping sorrow over the loss of what might have been—more on this momentarily).

3) Joy and Sadness can Co-exist

Sadness in Heaven over Unsaved Loved Ones

Detail of martyred Bartholomew in “Last Judgement” by Michelangelo (Web Gallery of Art, public domain, Wikimedia)

Philosopher and ethicist Adam C. Pelser argues in Paradise Understood that the saved will at times feel sadness and somberness over the lost, but that will not diminish joy. He says emotions result from evaluating something as good or bad, so emotions such as sadness and somberness are valuable because they help us “perceive, know, and appreciatively understand” badness and they enable us to fully appreciate goodness. For example, contemplating the Crucifixion on Good Friday causes sadness and somberness, but also increases “a deep, appreciative understanding of the significance of the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ” and therefore increases the joy of celebrating Easter (2017: 130-131).

Joy and Sadness in Scripture Together

Pelser argues:

Indeed, Scripture attests that it is possible to experience a deep and abiding joy even amidst the most severe trials and tribulations of this life (cf. James 1:2). If a joy that is “inexpressible and filled with glory” is possible in this life (1 Peter 1:8), still so full of pain and suffering, how much more will a deep and abiding joy be possible in heaven where those who are saved will live forever free from the many and varied trials and tribulations of this life? Just as Christian joy need not be diminished by sad and somber reflection on the crucifixion of Christ in this life, the stable, enduring state of perfect heavenly joy will not be diminished by moments of sadness and somberness toward negative realities, especially when one views and understands those negative realities in the light of God’s perfect goodness. (2017: 131)

If Pelser is correct, then sadness can co-exist with joy even in this life.

Joy and Sadness on Earth Together

One of our foster children at 14 ran away to connect with her birth mom and gain freedom to live with boys, forget school, and enjoy drugs. We were heartbroken, while at the same time relieved to have the violence and turmoil she brought finally gone. We knew the separation was good for our family, yet cried over her choices because we loved her dearly.

But here’s the thing. Even though her choices and pain still saddens us, we no longer shed tears. In fact, somber reflection about her co-exists with a joyous knowledge of God’s grace to us and others.

Joy and Sadness in Heaven Together

Now, between our deaths and the creation of the new heavens and earth there will be time—perhaps substantial time. The judgment of billions of people follows the general resurrection. My husband Clay in his book, Why Does God Allow Evil?, points out that it would take 133,090 years to judge for ten minutes all seven billion alive today (2017: 155). That’s a long time and doesn’t include the judgments of those who have lived before.

My point is that there will be time to consider and adjust to losses of loved ones. The tears that God wipes away may include tears over lost loved ones.

Who knows? When God wipes away the tears, we may talk to him about all the attempts we and he made to draw those loved ones in, and we will be satisfied that all that could be done was. Somber reflection will co-exist with a joyous knowledge of God’s grace to us.

And when the day of Christ reveals loved ones whom we have poured our lives into are saved, we “may be proud that [we] did not run in vain or labor in vain” (Philippians 2:16). We shall join with angels in taking great joy over them (Luke 15:10).

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Will there be Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children? Part 2

In Will there be Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children? Part 1, I began to address a reader’s question about sorrow in heaven over unsaved children and I listed three approaches to it that don’t work. In this post, we’ll look at the first of three consideration that shed light on the issue.

3 Helpful Considerations About Sorrow in Heaven

The first consideration pertains just to parents of adult unsaved children, while the next two in Part 3 address knowing any unsaved loved one is in hell.

1) Blood Relationships with Saved & Unsaved Children Will Change

That the question asked about a parents’ sadness over adult unsaved children is due, perhaps, to the fact that most people view parental love as the one that mourns loss most.  On earth, there are some complicating factors that make loss of children especially difficult. Some of these complicating factors will be replaced or disappear in the afterlife, and that may lessen sadness so that it becomes more like the loss of other loved ones.

a) The Instinctual Part of the Parent-Child Bond May Cease

When I was 11, I excitedly told schoolmates on the bus that our family dog, a German shorthaired pointer named Gayleene, had puppies. Two children wanted to see the puppies, so I brought them home. I opened the front door to the smell of damp fur and milk. I beckoned them to follow. But as I rounded the corner from the short hallway into the living room, I heard a roar and froze. Gayleene half rose, the four speckled puppies attached to the front of her chest dropping loose with a sucking sound while others further back kept feeding. Her roar—a mix of a howl and deep growl—emanated from her dappled chest, pulsed through her tautly stretched neck, and reverberated out her whiskered mouth opened in an “O” just below quivering nostrils. Her chocolate ears pressed back and her brown eyes bulged wild and wide.

I put out my hand to stop the others. “This isn’t a good idea,” I whispered, and they nodded, turned, and left. I shut the door and peeked back around the corner. Gayleene had lain back down and was busy nuzzling her little ones back into place so they could feed. I gingerly approached and sat in a chair not far from her while I pondered the sudden change in her personality. She ignored me, apparently not considering me a danger.

That day I learned that female animals have a strong instinct to protect their young. Later, I learned that both male and female humans generally have such an instinct, too. The Bible calls this instinct God-given and observes that ostriches have less of it (Job 39:14-17) while she-bears are ferociously endowed (Proverb 17:12).

The Mama-bear Instinct May Cease

Sorrow in heaven over unsaved children

Detail of Book of Life in “Last Judgement” by Michelangelo (Web Gallery of Art: Public Domain, Wikimedia)

Instincts are behaviors that are innate rather than learned. In fact, the Bible likens people who act on passions alone to animals who act on instinct rather than reason (2 Peter 2:12; Jude 1:10). Thus instincts seem to be part of our physical makeup—our “flesh and blood”—rather than our minds. Since “flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 15:50), I suspect that purely physical instincts that have no use in the next life will disappear with our earthly bodies.

This may include whatever is purely instinctual about the parent-child bond; for example, the mamma-bear instinct that causes parents to rush to defend their children. In humans, this protecting instinct ensures a family’s survival on earth, but such a drive is unneeded in the coming kingdom where there is no more death. If that instinct to protect our own disappears, then it would no longer drive emotions to greater heights.

b) Corruptions of Parental Love Will Cease

Although the instinctual parts of the parent-child relationship may desist, love will not, for “Love never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:8).  On the other hand, certain corruptions of parental love that increase grief on earth will cease. Fire will reveal and burn these away (1 Corinthians 3:12-15):

  • The pursuit of immortality through offspring that causes the loss of an only child to also be the loss of preserving one’s memory
  • The pursuit of self-worth through being needed that results in loss of purpose when children leave or die
  • The idolizing of children that may result in abandoning God if family expectations aren’t met (Matthew 10:38)

c) A Sibling Relationship Will Replace the Parent-Child Relationship

Jesus considered blood ties to have less significance than spiritual ties (Matthew 10:37; 12:49-50). This particularly makes sense when we consider that in the kingdom of heaven our family relationships actually change, especially the parent-child relationship, because God adopts those who are born again (Romans 8:23). When someone adopts a child, her parental ties to the birth parent end.

In the kingdom of heaven, everyone will be a child of God the Father, and the earthly parent-child relationship will become a heavenly sibling relationship.

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Will There Be Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children? Part 1

A reader asks about sorrow in heaven over unsaved children:

If we who are in Heaven have memory of our life back on earth, how can there be no mourning from parents who may not see their children in Heaven? But if our children are not with us in Heaven that would be a painful reminder that seems to interfere with Revelation 21:4.
Steve

The Problem of Sorrow in Heaven

This is a great question, Steve. I assume your question is about adult children since most theologians think young children are saved, as Dr. Clay Jones argues in Why Does God Allow Evil?: “Although Christians differ about whether all children will be saved, many of them, including apologists such as Norman Geisler, William Lane Craig, and Greg Koukl, have argued that all who die before the age of accountability (see Deuteronomy 1:39) will be saved” (2017: 90).

Revelation 21:4 says, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” How can there be no more mourning or crying if Christian parents in heaven remember beloved unsaved adult children?

God’s Heart on Sorrow in Heaven

Let me begin with a story. One evening our foster daughters’ rebellion discouraged my husband and me greatly. We’d poured our lives into them, we’d done everything we knew to help them, we’d sacrificed for them, but they weren’t leaving destructive ways. So my husband went walking on the hill next to our house among the frames of partially constructed homes so he could pray. With tears in his eyes, he asked, “Lord, what if these girls never come to know you?” Immediately, the words came to mind: “Then you will know the fellowship of my suffering” (Philippians 3:10). At that, we understood better what it is like for God to love those who reject him. That helped immensely.

When we talk about sorrow in heaven over lost loved ones, it’s important to remember God’s heart. He desires all to be saved (Ezekiel 18:23; 1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:9). Jesus grieved over the lost (Matthew 23:37; Luke 19:41). He told us, “there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:10). The Bible describes Jesus as “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief,” which assures us that “as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too” (Isaiah 53:3; 2 Corinthians 1:5). He shares our sorrow over lost loved ones.

3 Common But Unworkable Approaches to Sorrow in Heaven

Sorrow in Heaven depicted in Last Judgement

“Last Judgment” by Michelangelo (Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Here are three common approaches to this problem.

Sorrow in Heaven Approach 1: Universalism

Some argue like this: Perfect joy in heaven cannot exist if loved ones reside in hell; the Bible says there will be perfect joy in heaven; therefore, everyone must go to heaven. But universalism contradicts Jesus’ teaching about eternal punishment (Matthew 25:46) and about salvation coming only through him (John 14:6; Acts 4:12).

Sorrow in Heaven Approach 2: Memory Loss

This argument also contends that we cannot have perfect joy in heaven if loved ones are in hell, but resolves the problem by saying we won’t remember our earthly lives or even that we had children. But what would it mean for Jacob to be “gathered to his people” if he doesn’t know who “his people” are (Genesis 49:33)? Also, how can the deeds of the saved follow them (Revelation 14:13) if they don’t remember those deeds? To remember Corrie ten Boom’s faithfulness in the face of the Holocaust requires remembering the evil of the Holocaust, too.

Sorrow in Heaven Approach 3: Beatific Vision

The saved shall see God face-to-face and know him fully (1 Corinthians 13:4). We call this seeing and knowing the “beatific vision.” Particularly during the middle ages, many believed that in heaven the saved gaze and contemplate on God eternally. They’re so filled with joy that they’re unconcerned with anything else, including the lost. But Revelation 6:9-10 says “the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God” cried out, “how long before you judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on earth?” Also, in Jesus’ parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31), the rich man is in Hades, yet Abraham knows his history and talked to him over a chasm.

There you have three common approaches that don’t work. In Part 2 and Part 3, I’ll cover three considerations about sorrow in heaven that do work. Part 2 addresses just the issue of parents knowing adult children are in hell. Part 3 addresses any unsaved loved ones.

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6 Best Books on Psalms for Prayer and Understanding

One of the delights of deciding to write a book on the Psalms is the excuse to read many books on them. Here are the six best books on Psalms I’ve found, ordered from broadest appeal to narrowest. They’ll enhance your prayer life and deepen your understanding of these prayer songs.

By the way, the Bible study guide I wrote with Pam Farrel and Karla Dornacher, Discovering Hope in the Psalms, is due out August 2017. It will walk you through praying with and understanding psalms as you discover eight hopes in the psalms for you.

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Best Books on Psalms #1

A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society

By Eugene H. Peterson

Audience: Christians wanting to draw closer to God

This superb book is by the translator of The Message. It contains sixteen inspirational chapters on the Songs of Ascent (Psalms 120–134). The Jews sang these songs as they made their way to worship God at the temple in Jerusalem, and so Peterson presents them as “’songs for the road’ for those who travel the way of faith Christ.” This is a book to read over and over. If you can read only one book on the Psalms, this is the one.

Quotation

I knew that following Jesus could never develop into a “long obedience” without a deepening life of prayer and that the Psalms had always been the primary means by which Christians learned to pray everything they lived, and live everything they prayed over the long haul.

Pros

Easy to read and understand. Delightful writing style. Folds many Christian disciplines into praying psalms.

Cons

If you don’t own it already, you should.

Best Books on Psalms #2

Psalms as Torah: Reading Biblical Song Ethically

By Gordon J. Wenham

Audience: Thoughtful Christians with good biblical background wanting to worship with psalms

This book transformed the way I prayed psalms. I already prayed laments (prayer request psalms) and praises, but Wenham’s insights into how praying a psalm becomes transformative deepened the way I approached these psalms and emboldened me to memorize psalms for prayer. It also showed me how to pray other types of psalms, such as wisdom and royal psalms. This book is rich and deeply layered, with chapters such as “The Unique Claims of Prayed Ethics” and “Virtues and Vices in the Psalter.” The chapter, “Appeals for Divine Intervention,” examines three of the harshest psalms: 35; 69; 109. This is an outstanding theological work on interpreting Psalms. I return to it often—it’s that good.

Quotation

If we praise a certain type of behavior in our prayers, we are telling God that this is how we intend to behave. On the other hand, if in prayer we denounce certain acts and pray for God to punish them, we are in effect inviting God to judge us if we do the same. This makes the ethics of liturgy uniquely powerful. It makes a stronger claim on the believer than either law, wisdom, or story, which are simply subject to passive reception: one can listen to a proverb or a story and then take it or leave it, but if you pray ethically, you commit yourself to a path of action.

Pros

Thoughtful, clear discussion of ethics in the psalms and how praying the psalms should transform our lives.

Cons

Requires a good biblical background, and that may deter some.

Best Books on Psalms #3

Interpreting the Psalms: An Exegetical Handbook

By Mark D. Futato

Audience: Christians who want to understand Hebrew poetry and who are comfortable with college reading level

This is a 200-page introduction to interpreting Psalms. It’s the first book I read on Hebrew poetry, and it answered questions I’d always had as well as questions I hadn’t known to ask. It spurred me on to read even more. The first chapter explains Hebrew poetry. The second examines the Psalter’s arrangement. The third touches on historical influences. The fourth discusses psalm categories. The fifth and sixth help the teacher develop an outline. While this book isn’t directly about praying the psalms, knowing how to interpret them enhances prayer. If you can’t afford Ross’s commentaries below, then get this.

Quotation

My objective is to acquaint you with the principle that parallelism is the art of saying something similar in both cola [line segments] but with a difference added in the second colon. Hebrew poets thus invite us to read slowly, looking for a difference in the second colon, be that difference small or great.

Pros

Excellent introduction to interpreting Psalms and understanding Hebrew poetry. Fast to read.

Cons

No transliteration of Hebrew (though English translations are supplied). The last two chapters are really too short to be useful.

Best Books on Psalms #4

A Commentary on the Psalms: Volume I (1-41)

Best Books on Psalms #5

A Commentary on the Psalms: Volume II (42-89)

Best Books on Psalms #6

A Commentary on the Psalms: Volume III (90-150)

By Allen P. Ross

Audience: Pastors and Bible teachers comfortable with graduate reading level

I own quite a few commentaries on Psalms, but this three-volume set far surpasses the rest. Volume I has an introduction to interpreting biblical poetry that equals or surpasses that of Futato above. Ross supplies a history of psalm interpretation (as do Wenham and Futato). He also details literary forms. Then comes the psalm-by-psalm commentary—this is where Ross shines. Each contains the author’s translation; composition and context notes; exegetical analysis (including summary and outline); the main commentary on the text; and message and application notes. This last section has preaching tips and is where Ross’s pastoral heart comes through clearly. There are extensive footnotes, including many Hebrew word studies on difficult words such as she’ol.

Volume I Quotation from introductory chapters

A type is a divinely prefigured illustration of a corresponding reality (called the antitype) it is a form of prophecy, the major difference with direct prophecy being that the passage can only be understood as prophetic once the fulfilling antitype has come into full view. This topic will be discussed in the notes on the royal psalms.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Ps. 22:1)

The words of the psalm hyperbolically describe the suffering of David but become historically true in Jesus.

Volume II Quotation from Psalm 51 message and application

We, like the psalmist, can and must have complete cleansing before we can fully and freely serve God in any capacity. Our eternal destiny may not be in doubt when we sin, and neither was David’s because he appealed to that covenant relationship, but our fellowship and service will be. God will not tolerate unconfessed sin, but will discipline for it.

Volume III Quotation from Psalm 137 commentary in expository form

All of this is to say that the communal prayer of Psalm 137 was a prayer in harmony with the prophetic oracle concerning the coming judgment on Babylon. They were actually praying for God to do what he said he was going to do, bring punishment on the Babylonians that was a just recompense for their barbaric activities.

Pros

Comprehensive. Many word studies (index in Volume III). Teaching and application tips. If you’re teaching or writing on the Psalms, this is the commentary set to get.

Cons

Typographical errors in verse references. No transliteration for Hebrew words, though English translations are always supplied.

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Best books on Psalms

Long Obedience in the Same Direction, by Eugene Peterson

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6 Things Every Christian Should Know about the Minor Prophets

Many Christians find the last 12 books of the Old Testament—known as the “Minor Prophets”—well, boring! Why? First, they don’t see how the books relate to today. Second, they don’t know what was going on at the time. And third, the prophets address a lot of unfamiliar people and places.

The book of Jonah is one of the 12 minor prophets

Jonah preaching to the Ninevites, by Gustave Dore (d. 1883). Public domain.

Some Christians even skip reading the Minor Prophets, which is a shame because they tell us a lot about social injustice and what God thinks about the rich and powerful taking advantage of the poor and weak—a topic certainly relevant to our times! Plus, they give us insights into what everyday life was like during Old Testament times and show us how God deals with evil—then, now, and still to come.

Here I’ve put together some interesting facts about the Minor Prophets that will help you make sense of them.

1. “Minor” means short, not unimportant.

Click here to read the rest of this article on Crosswalk.com.

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The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness

What’s the ultimate reason behind unforgiveness? Part 5 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Forgiving without excusing is hard, so hard it sometimes seems unforgiveness won’t ever let go.

When I stopped excusing my mother’s actions as based on ignorance and inability to help herself, I had to learn something new: forgiving without excusing. I made good progress when I prayed in ways that bolstered faith in God’s promises and good care. The anger eased significantly. But it still sometimes flared unexpectedly.

Unforgiveness & a Cry for Help

Then one day it erupted in a way that scared me. I was driving my pale blue Toyota Corolla to work as the sun was just rising, when I spied a girl in a steel blue school uniform skipping gaily, two perfect dark braids bouncing on her carefully pressed short-sleeved shirt.

Her mother loves her, I thought. And then, I hate her!

In that moment I feared what I would become if I didn’t forgive my mother: filled with hatred and jealousy towards those who had what I wanted, even if they hadn’t wronged me. My stomach churned as I realized I had it in me to be like her. In my pride, I hadn’t thought that possible. Though I might never hurt a child as she did, if I harbored hatred I would be like her.

Suddenly, I wondered when she first chose not to forgive. Had she stood at the same crossroads, but made the easier choice and let bitterness seep in, not knowing it would spread and finally rule?

I clenched the steering wheel in desperation. “God, I don’t want to become like my mother. Help me forgive!”

Unforgiveness & a Cry for Justice

Unforgiveness finds Justice in the Crucifixion

The Crucifixion (Rembrandt [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

I considered how Jesus compared forgiving sin to forgiving a debt, and thought perhaps if I prayed aloud to release her from her debt—for God not to punish her for her sins—that might equal forgiveness even if my emotions dallied.

“God, I want you not to punish—” Do I? “No! That’s not what I want! I want Justice!”

And then I understood. More quietly I finished, “But I also want to be forgiven.” I paused as I remembered my ugliest sins.

I turned onto the freeway. Ahead, the morning sun had risen above the horizon. “God, I know my many sins against you far outweigh hers against me. So I pray that you draw my mother to know you, and if she receives Jesus as her Savior, then Justice will be done by his shed blood. And if she rejects Jesus, then Justice will be done when her sins are held against her. I forgive her as I want to be forgiven, and leave her in your hands.”

At that moment I knew it wasn’t mine to determine whether my mother received eternal forgiveness. That was between her and God. It wasn’t even mine to know to what degree my mother’s actions were intentional: Only God sees the heart.

In my heart, mercy had triumphed over judgment.

Peace washed up and through me. Yes, Justice would be done. I was humbled by the glimpse of the depths to which I could fall without God’s grace. And I was no longer angry. I truly wanted God to give my mother the same grace I wanted him to give me.

Unforgiveness Stripped Away

That was many years ago. Neither the jealousy nor the rage returned. As new affronts came—whether from her or others—the lessons learned through forgiving my mother helped me continue to forgive without excusing.

How Excusing Sin Leads to Unforgiveness

In time I understood how excusing sin actually produced the pride that prevented forgiving. I had initially excused my mother’s wrongs by telling myself she didn’t know better; after all, no sane person would purposefully and knowingly harm children. Thus, my siblings and I were safe from repeating her actions because we knew better. We were better than she because we had superior knowledge.

When my false belief that she didn’t know better collapsed, its sister belief changed slightly: “My siblings and I and most people I know would never purposefully and knowingly harm children.” Now, we were better than she innately.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn & why unforgiveness is unwarranted

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (by Verhoeff, Bert / Anefo [CC BY-SA 3.0 nl (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/nl/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons)

And that was the pride blocking forgiveness: this subconscious sense that I was somehow better than she and therefore more deserving of mercy. When I wasn’t.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who suffered eight years in a Soviet gulag, asked this about those who committed genocide:

Where did this wolf-tribe appear from among our people? Does it really stem from our own roots? Our own blood?

It is our own.

And just so we don’t go around flaunting too proudly the white mantle of the just, let everyone ask himself: “If my life had turned out differently, might I myself not have become just such an executioner?”

It is a dreadful question if one answers it honestly.[i]

If I answer honestly, then I know that if my life had turned out differently (especially if I hadn’t come to Christ), I could have murdered or abused or terrorized or done any number of things I’ve escaped. I could have been like my mother. Because I’m not innately better. And therefore not more deserving of mercy.

We can Choose to Forgive

We can choose to forgive because forgiving is about more than one relationship with an offender: It’s about future relationships; about healing us; and about participating in divine Justice and Mercy.

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[i] Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago, 73.

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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4 Sins that Require Faith to Forgive

How do we take hold of faith to forgive when forgiving is tough? Part 4 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Some sins are relatively easy to forgive: unintentional sins and minor wrongs, for instance. Other sins are much harder. Here are four that require faith to forgive.

It takes Faith to Forgive Sins that Cause Great Loss

When we lose possessions, relationships, health, or dreams because of someone’s sin, we’ll need faith to forgive: faith that we cannot lose anything of eternal value. Our heavenly treasures can be neither stolen nor destroyed (Matthew 6:19-21).

Martyrs had faith to forgive

Many early Christians lost everything (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1862, public domain)

I once lost a position after someone lied about me; I also lost relationships. I had to in faith believe that our losses and hurts here will not harm us in ways God cannot redeem. After all, God does work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). Indeed, when we suffer loss and hardship with faith, we gain an eternal reward (1 Peter 1:6-7; 2 Corinthians 4:17).

Our earthly losses are losses of temporal things only. We must let them go, for holding onto grudges over things lost makes those things idols raised above obeying God. Because of their faith, the first Christians “joyfully accepted” the plundering of their property because they knew that they “had a better possession and an abiding one” in the life to come (Hebrews 10:34).

It takes Faith to Forgive Malicious Slander

False and malicious slander is a fiery dart in the hand of the jealous, the power hungry, the fame seeker, the revenge taker, and the self-justifier. When aimed at us, we need faith to forgive: faith that believes only God’s opinion matters. Like Paul, we must consider others’ judgments “a very small thing” (1 Corinthians 4:1-5).

False witnesses accuse Jesus before the ruling council (José Madrazo, 1803, public domain)

A leader who believed the lies I mentioned above expressed harsh words about me. I memorized and quoted 1 Corinthians 4:1-5 regularly. I imagined myself holding up a giant shield of faith between me and the fiery darts of his judgments. The shield extinguished the darts, blocked them from piercing me, and moved my eyes from them onto our Redeemer.

Jesus warned that we would be unfairly maligned: “If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household! So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known” (Matthew 10:25-26). We don’t need to harbor unforgiveness because God can and will reveal the truth. His timing is perfect, even if the truth isn’t revealed till the Judgment.

It takes Faith to Forgive Wrongs Committed Over and Over and OVER

When family members or friends apologize, but keep doing the same things, they appear insincere. After all, repentance means trying to change. It takes faith to forgive repeatedly. In fact, when Jesus told the apostles they must forgive others over and over, they responded, “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:3-5).

Jesus had faith to forgive Peter denying him 3 times

Peter denied Jesus 3 times (Carl Heinrich Bloch, 1873, public domain)

I doubt there’s anyone who hasn’t faced repeated wrongs. When my husband and I were dating, we agreed to never bring up a past wrong once we’ve said, “I forgive you.” To respond to an apology with, “But this is the fifth time,” is not loving, for love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Besides, bringing up past offenses separates even close friends, while putting forgiven faults behind us seeks love (Proverbs 17:9).

To forgive, I have to let go of that part of me which protests, “If she really cared, she wouldn’t keep doing this,” because how much someone loves me isn’t the point. That’s between her and God. My relationships aren’t about other people being what I want them to be: They’re about me being what God wants me to be.

Moreover, haven’t we all come to God confessing the same thing over and over again? We must grant the mercy we wish to receive. Only God knows the heart—which is why my part is to forgive and leave ultimate justice to God.

It takes Faith to Forgive Betrayal

Who hasn’t been betrayed by someone trusted? When we’re betrayed, it takes faith to forgive: faith that believes God rewards repaying hatred with love. Jesus calls us to love our enemies, do good to them, bless them, and pray for them, for God will greatly reward us (Luke 6:27-35).

Joseph had faith to forgive his brothers' betrayal

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1855, public domain)

When betrayed, we must remember no one can circumvent God’s good plans for us (Romans 8:28-31). After I learned that my mother knew her sins against me and my siblings were wrong, I prayed for insight into why the anger held on even though I’d tried to forgive her.

My Right?

It struck me that part of the reason is that I had considered parental love and goodness a right. God commands them, to be sure. But God had adopted me and I had a new, perfect Parent who was giving me all I needed: “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close” (Psalm 27:10).

Beyond God’s Redemption?

I pondered further. Had I lost anything that God couldn’t work for good? No, Joseph’s story showed that (Genesis 50:20), and I’d already seen some good come from it in that others with similar backgrounds were more open to talk to me about Christ. Had I lost anything of eternal worth? No, heavenly treasures can’t be destroyed or stolen (Matthew 6:19-20). Everything that’s of this earth alone will pass away, so if I haven’t lost anything of eternal worth, then in the long run I haven’t actually lost anything.

A Prayer of Faith

In faith I chose to believe that God could use my mother’s betrayal for good, not just for me, but also for others (2 Corinthians 1:4). I prayed, “God, I trust you to work my mother’s wrongs for good for me, my siblings, and others. Keep the three of us from repeating her sins. Thank you for opening my eyes to know you. Thank you for the ways I’ve already seen you work good from my past.”

The anger finally began to subside.

Yet for this betrayal, I needed one more step. That’s the topic of my next post.

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Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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How Confessing and Forgiving are Inseparable

To forgive, combine confessing and forgiving as Jesus taught. Part 3 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Jesus said something astonishing in the Lord’s Prayer about confessing and forgiving. He said we should pray,

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12

In so doing, he linked confessing and forgiving. He followed up with this:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14–15

New Testament scholar D. A. Carson says, “There is no forgiveness for the one who does not forgive. How could it be otherwise? His unforgiving spirit bears strong witness to the fact that he has never repented” (Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His Confrontation with the World, 75).

Confessing and forgiving in "Return of the Prodigal Son"

A wayward son finds forgiveness and his father’s embrace in “Return of the Prodigal Son” by Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn (circa 1668)

Confessing and forgiving are strongly connected. True repentance is the necessary path to true forgiveness, for those who haven’t honestly and deeply repented of their own sins lack the capacity to forgive others.

Previously

In my last two posts, I discussed what forgiving isn’t and said that the first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive. I began the story of how I realized that I had been excusing my mother’s sin by saying, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” When the fact that she had known better bowled over my excuses, I felt betrayed. Rage overcame me. Instead of excusing sin, I needed to do the much harder job of forgiving sin.

Confessing and Forgiving Come Before Confronting

When we’ve committed to forgive, the next step is not confronting those who’ve sinned against us in the hope they’ll apologize and make forgiving easier. Tim Keller explains why: “Only if you first seek inner forgiveness will your confrontation be temperate, wise, and gracious. Only when you have lost the need to see the other person hurt will you have any chance of actually bringing about change, reconciliation, and healing” (The Reason for God, 197). Yes, Jesus said to talk to Christians who’ve sinned against us (Matthew 18), but we must forgive first.

The next step is to pray to forgive in the way Jesus taught: “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). The prayer’s order is essential: confessing and forgiving.

Confessing and Forgiving: “Forgive Us our Debts”

When I need to forgive someone, I begin by confessing my own sins. This reminds me of the grace I need and thus prepares my heart to offer grace. Without regular confession, pride slithers in, and pride doesn’t forgive.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Recent Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal my sins, and then I allow my mind to skim over the events of the last day or so. If anything causes a twitch in my conscience, then I stop and ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve done wrong. I ask him to remind me of verses that might apply.

If I’ve sinned, then I name the sin and confess it to my heavenly Father along with a Scripture that applies: “Father, I took up a reproach against Kathy. But Psalm 15 says those who draw near to you must not take up a reproach against a friend. I confess this was wrong and I ask for your forgiveness.”

It’s important to name the sin so I don’t treat it lightly.

2) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Similar Sins

Jesus taught confessing and forgiving

The Hundred Guilder Print, by Rembrandt

Next I ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve ever committed the same sin I’m about to forgive. Most often I have. If not, I look for similar sins.

With my mother, some offenses I had surely repeated, but no, I’d never committed some of the worse offenses. I had, however, intentionally hurt others. One example rushed to mind: at twelve I lied to my friend Kathy’s mother to get her in trouble.

Initially, I wanted to excuse this because I was retaliating. She had told our schoolmates that she had seen my mother hitting my head as I tried to get out the door on the way to school. She told them that there must be something terribly wrong about me for my mother to hate me like that. I was furious and wanted to pay her back by proving her mother hated her too. Was that a good excuse? No. God judges us by how we judge others, not how we judge ourselves. I had intentionally tried to hurt someone. I needed grace, and I needed to give it.

Besides, retaliation is itself a sin. Kathy may have hurt me unintentionally when she gossiped (at twelve, she may not have known her words would wound). But I believed it wrong; when I retaliated, I did what I believed was wrong. That’s always sin:

For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
Romans 2:1

3) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Associated Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit if I have sinned in any way that is associated with the sin of the person I want to forgive. For instance, if there was a disagreement, did I misspeak in any way? If so, I need to not only confess that to God, but I need to apologize to the person for my part in the difficulty, no matter how small.

In the case of my mother, at the moment I discovered she had known her actions were wrong I hadn’t reacted in any sinful way. But something was nagging me about Kathy. I remembered that when my mother saw Kathy watching her, she ducked behind the kitchen cabinets. I had realized then that she knew her actions were wrong. There was another time, too, when a security guard threatened to call the police if he ever saw her speed around hairpin mountain roads with us in the back of the car again: she turned red and hung her head in shame.

Speaking Truth in the Heart

In my heart, I had known she wronged us intentionally. Why then had I grabbed so quickly to my teacher’s explanation that abusive parents were either ignorant or abused? Besides, it didn’t even make sense biblically. Jealousy drove Cain to kill Abel, not ignorance or wrongful hurts. My teacher was wrong: ignorance and hurt aren’t the only reasons people hurt others; we can, like Cain, choose sin.

I’d lied to myself and to God. Why? Partly because I held the false belief that thinking bad things about people made me a horrible person. But also because I believed good Christians forgive and good Christians aren’t filled with rage. Clinging to the lie pushed the anger underground and let me believe I was a good Christian doing the right thing.

I confessed my lie and the presence of anger and rage I knew shouldn’t be there.

My prayers changed that day: I started examining my emotions as I prayed so I could be utterly honest about what was inside me. Such honest prayer was humbling: it forced me to admit I’d thought too highly of myself.

Confessing and Forgiving: “As We Forgive our Debtors”

When I’ve confessed my sins, I pray, “Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me.” Then in prayer I move to forgive those who’ve sinned against me.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal the Truth about What I’m Forgiving

Rather than brushing all sin under the carpet of unintentional, I now try to understand whether the evidence supports intentional or unintentional sin. Because “Love … believes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), I give the person the benefit of the doubt based on the actual evidence. I refuse to judge hidden motives:

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts
1 Corinthians 4:5

This helps me forgive what actually happened. Forgiving something that didn’t happen isn’t true forgiving. Scripture calls sin a debt, and we can err on both sides of the debt equation. If someone owes me $1,000 dollars and I accuse her of owing me $10,000, then I will have a difficult time forgiving because doing so demands that I hold to a fantasy of having been wronged more than I have. On the other hand, If someone owes me $1,000 and I offer forgiveness for $100, the hundred is easier to forgive, but it requires I hold to the lie that the other $900 wasn’t taken.

Christ preaching on confessing and forgiving

Christ Preaching (La Petite Tombe), by Rembrandt

Either way, the truth has a way of poking through lies.

Those who wish to dwell with God must speak truth in their hearts (Psalm 15:2). If what we’re forgiving is unintentional sin, then we must forgive it as such. If we’re forgiving intentional, even malicious, sin, as much as it hurts, we must acknowledge it.

2) Name the Person and the Sin

When in prayer I forgive someone, I name the person and the sin:

  • “God, I forgive Kathy for gossiping about me”
  • “I forgive my mother for driving at high speeds around hairpin turns while drunk with us in the backseat”

Naming people individually keeps me from letting this be a flippant exercise rather than part of worship. Naming the sin ensures that what I’m forgiving is an actual sin. If I cannot name the sin according to what it’s called in the Bible, then I confess that I have held something against someone that was not a sin and ask the Holy Spirit to show me why I’ve done so. Naming the actual sin often leads to meditation on why God calls that action sin. It also leads me to the next prayer part.

Confessing and Forgiving: Ask God to Forgive Me as I Forgive

I then ask God to forgive me as I forgive this person: “I forgive my mother as I want you to forgive me; I give her the grace you’ve given me.”

This prayer does not mean forgiving others causes God to forgive me, as if I must pay for forgiveness (a paltry payment indeed, compared to what really bought my forgiveness). Rather, it reminds me of what my Lord wants me to do so I may do it at once.

***

In most cases, confessing and forgiving as I’ve outlined here is all I need do. But if I’ve suffered a great loss, I must pray three more prayers.

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Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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Must I Forgive THIS Sin?

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive, but to do that, I need to know: must I forgive this offense? Part 2 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

In my last post on What Forgiving Isn’t, I shared six substitutes that masquerade as forgiving, but which merely manage emotions for a time. Forgiving deliberate sins that cause significant hurt and loss can be difficult, but it’s possible with the Holy Spirit’s help.

My first real struggle with forgiving came in my twenties with the sudden revelation that my mother had known her hatred and mistreatment were wrong. For years I had prayed, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” I thought I had forgiven her because this prayer immediately eased the anger and hurt. But the revelation that she knew better crashed into the fence of excuses I’d used to corral my emotions, and now anger, hurt, jealousy, and rage galloped over me like wild horses.

I tried telling God, “I forgive her,” but the tumultuous emotions wouldn’t go away. I wondered if it were possible to forgive and still be angry.

The first step towards forgiving when forgiving is hard is making a commitment to forgive. But before we can make such a commitment, we need to know if we need to forgive.

Must I Forgive If I’ve tried But I’m Still Angry?

I truly thought I’d forgiven. But had I? Was saying “I forgive” enough?

I looked at Scriptures about anger. Ephesians 4:31 said, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Truth be told, I was filled with rage and anger, possibly even bitterness and malice. I tried to get rid of it by emotionally thrusting it away, but it wouldn’t go.

Must I forgive? Ephesians says yes

Ephesians 4:32

I read the next verse: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” It was easy to be compassionate when I thought she didn’t know better, but how was I to be compassionate towards someone who had intentionally wronged my siblings and me? Yet this verse juxtaposed compassion and forgiving with rage and anger. It didn’t look like I could claim I’d forgiven.

Besides, a few verses earlier said, “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (v. 26). This anger had built up over years.

While it’s true that it takes time for emotions to calm after a loss, the level of anger made me sure I hadn’t yet forgiven from the heart.

A thought occurred to me and I asked God, Must I forgive? I looked at different situations.

Must I Forgive What the Bible Doesn’t Call Sin?

No, the presence of hurt or anger doesn’t necessarily mean someone has sinned against me. If something’s not sinful, I need to overlook it. For example, I might not like it that two of my girlfriends had lunch without me, but they didn’t sin.

We should also pray for the Holy Spirit to show us why we’re offended over something not wrong; it might be that what’s wrong is in us rather than the other person: impatience, pride, poor planning skills. For instance, if I’m bothered that a friend corrected me, I probably should confess pride and pray for the wisdom to take correction graciously: “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

Must I Forgive Unintentional Sin?

Jesus taught that unintentional sins are lesser sins than intentional sins: “And that servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more” (Luke 12:47-48).

So unintentional sins—sins of ignorance and sins of weakness—are still sins, and yes, we must forgive them, not excuse or ignore them.

Must I Forgive Repeated Sin?

“But he’s done it over and over again! He says he’s sorry, but he’s not changing so how I can I believe him?” Many spouses bring this one up.

Mk11_25They’re in good company. After Jesus taught about restoring a believer who has sinned against you, Peter went to Jesus and asked how often he had to forgive: “Seven times?” Jesus answered, “Seventy-seven!” Then he told the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. The bottom line is that if we’re grateful for the mercy God has shown us, then we must show mercy to others because the debt we owe God far exceeds the debt others owe us (Matthew 18:21–35).

Besides, how many of us haven’t repeated the same sins we’ve confessed many times before? If we want God’s mercy, others must have ours.

Must I Forgive Deliberate Sin?

Yes. Jesus never said to forgive only unintentional sins. He said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Must I Forgive Unrepentant Sin?

My mother wasn’t repentant. In fact, she still threw verbal darts. Did I need to forgive her?

I searched my Bible for the answer. Although a couple passages talked about forgiving the repentant, others spoke about forgiving all sin: “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” (Mark 11:25). It seemed that even if we ended relationship with someone unrepentant, we must still forgive in some sense. I didn’t know in what sense yet.

But I did know I had to get rid of the bitterness and anger, and forgiving seemed the only way.

Out of sheer obedience, I prayed, “Father, I forgive her.” The anger remained, but I knew my willingness pleased God. I committed to finding a way to forgive, trusting that the God who made me willing to change would also make me able (Philippians 2:13).

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive Share on X Must I forgive? Six situations examined. Share on X
Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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