Encouragement in the spiritual life

10 Things You Want to Know About Heaven But are Embarrassed to Ask

By Jean E. Jones. “10 Things You Want to Know About Heaven But are Embarrassed to Ask” first appeared on Crosswalk.com, August 2017.

Fighting back tears, a young woman confessed to my husband that she was afraid she didn’t want to go to heaven. Since then, as we’ve related that story to others, we’ve discovered many Christians have that fear.

And no wonder! Artists and movie makers depict heaven as a colorless place where the occupants sport wings and halos and have nothing better to do than strum harps and lounge on clouds. Furthermore, skeptics like Mark Twain denounce heaven as unbearably boring and full of hypocritical prudes.

Misconceptions about heaven abound. So let’s clear some of them up. Here are 10 questions that Christians are embarrassed to ask about heaven.

1. Is heaven in the clouds?

Comics and movies typically depict heaven’s occupants as lolling on fluffy, white clouds. But that’s not at all what the Bible depicts. Still, part of the confusion is that the word “heaven” has three meanings:

The sky: “heaven gave rain” (James 5:18)
The physical cosmos containing stars and planets: “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth” (Genesis 1:1)
The unseen spiritual realm where God’s throne and celestial beings such as angels reside: “The Lord’s throne is in heaven” (Psalm 11:4)

The Bible teaches that on the day of the Lord, the physical cosmos “will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed” (2 Peter 3:10). Then after the judgment, God will create new heavens and a new earth (Revelation 21:1). Finally, those whose names are in the Book of Life will dwell there with God (Revelation 21:3).

2. Will heaven be plain white?

Television, movies, and paintings often depict heaven as all white: occupants with white wings wear white robes and rest on white clouds. Consequently, everything looks sterile.

However, Revelation’s description of the new dwelling place is quite different. Yes, the city gates are of pearl. But the city’s wall is multi-colored jasper and the city itself is gold. Also, the wall’s foundation is bejeweled with jasper, deep blue sapphire, pale blue chalcedony, blue-green beryl, deep green emerald, apple-green chrysoprase, yellow-green chrysolite, yellow-brown topaz, orange-red jacinth, red-and-white striped sardonyx, dark red carnelian, and bright purple amethyst (Revelation 21:18-21). Additionally, in the city flows a river surrounded by a dozen types of fruit-bearing trees (22:1-2).

Moreover, I can’t imagine that the God who created our current heavens and earth with a magnificent rainbow of colors that blaze across the night and morning skies, dance in pansies and daisies, and flash from hummingbirds and orioles, has lost his love for color!

3. Do people become angels in heaven?

In Charles Dickens’ The Old Curiosity Shop, a child says to Little Nell, “Why, they say… that you will be an angel, before the birds sing again.” But is the idea that people who go to heaven become angels a biblical one?

Not at all.

God created the angels before he created the earth (Psalm 148:2-5; Job 38:6-7). Moreover, angels are ministering spirits who serve “those who are going to inherit salvation” (Hebrews 1:13-14). People don’t turn into angels when they die; rather, at the end of the age, angels will “separate the evil from the righteous” people (Matthew 13:49).

Further, something more wonderful is in store for God’s children: “The Lord Jesus Christ… will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body” (Philippians 3:20-21). Indeed, it will be an imperishable body, raised in glory and power, a spiritual body that bears the image of Christ (1 Corinthians 15:42-49).

4. Will people have wings and halos in heaven?

"The Ascension of Christ" to heaven by Rembrandt — Rembrandt: The Ascension of Christ

Artists who show humans with wings in heaven are probably thinking that people turn into angels. Most artists give angels wings, although according to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, the Bible nowhere describes angels as winged, though they sometimes fly (Daniel 9:21).

However, the resurrected bodies of those entering the pearly gates will be like Jesus’ resurrected body (Philippians 3:21). When he appeared to his disciples after he rose from the dead, he had no wings. So resurrected humans won’t either.

As to halos, I used to think that came from Daniel 12:3, which says “those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.” But I was wrong. It turns out ancient artists placed halos around paintings and etchings of important people and religious figures so they’d stand out. In fact, there’s no mention of halos anywhere in the Bible.

5. Will people in heaven lose their sense of taste, touch, or smell?

Indeed, that was the message of the movie City of Angels (1998). In it, Nicholas Cage stars as an angel named Seth. But Seth can’t taste, touch, or smell. He falls in love with a human (played by Meg Ryan) and gives up eternity so he can make love to her. She dies, but he concludes that smelling her hair and kissing her just once was better than anything an eternity in heaven had to offer.

Certainly, that’s an unappealing heaven! But it’s not what the Bible describes.

Instead, after Jesus was raised from the dead, the disciples touched and hugged Jesus and ate with him (Luke 24:39-43; John 20:17). Additionally, Philippians 3:21 says Jesus “will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body.” If Jesus could taste, touch, and smell, we’ll be able to, too. In fact, our reunion with Christ is called “the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9).

6. Will heaven be full of nerds and prudes?

In high school, I went with my then-boyfriend Clay to the youth group at his church. There, the pastor’s daughter said she wanted to go to hell because that’s where all her friends would be. Indeed, she echoed Mark Twain’s sentiment: “Choose heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”

Clay points out that in heaven, “There will be murderers (such as Moses), adulterers (such as David), and prostitutes (such as Rahab). But they will all be repentant. Hell, on the other hand, will also be full of rapists, whiners, cowards, liars, and many a Pharisee, but none of them will be repentant” (Why Does God Allow Evil?, 165).

Furthermore, C.S. Lewis explained that every person “may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would strongly be tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such that you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare” (The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses, 45).

7. Will we recognize loved ones in heaven?

People who have lost loved ones are often concerned about whether they’ll see and recognize those dear to them in heaven. Certainly, part of this concern arises from misunderstanding Isaiah 65:17: “For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind.”

But the prior verse says that God says “the former troubles are forgotten and are hidden from my eyes.” In the Bible, when God says he will no longer remember something, he doesn’t mean he gives up his omniscience. Rather, he means he will no longer remember it for the sake of punishing it. So Isaiah 65:17 is saying God won’t remember our past sins against us in the new heaven and earth.

Also, Revelation 14:13 says our deeds will follow us, which can’t be done if we don’t remember them! Moreover, other passages show the dead remembering their earthly life: Luke 16:25; 2 Corinthians 1:4; Revelation 6:9-11.

8. Will there be sadness in heaven over unsaved loved ones?

Won’t knowing unsaved loved ones are in hell make heaven miserable? Philosopher Adam Pelser argues that the saved may at times feel somberness over the lost, but that will not diminish joy (Paradise Understood, 131). For instance, even on earth, somberness and joy can coexist (James 1:2).

Also, at the judgment, God will expose every deed, thought, and motive of those who refuse to turn from wrongdoing and turn to Jesus Christ as Lord. When we see how those who have rejected Jesus’ gift of eternal life “really are,” we won’t miss being with them.

Additionally, the unsaved won’t exist as we knew them. For example, C.S. Lewis wrote, “What is cast (or casts itself) into hell is not a man: it is ‘remains’… To be an ex-man or ‘damned ghost’—would presumably mean to consist of a will utterly centred in the self and passions utterly uncontrolled by the will” (The Problem of Pain, 113-114). If Lewis is right, then seeing ex-humans with uncontrolled wills will do much to help us understand why they are lost.

9. Will shame keep us from enjoying heaven?

Some people worry that remembering terrible things they did on this earth would be too painful. Although they know the Bible says that those who believe Jesus is the Son of God who died for their sins will receive eternal life, they still feel ashamed.

But God wants us to let go of shame after we repent from and confess our sin. To not accept his forgiveness suggests that we think our standards are higher than God’s! Yet Scripture assures us that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). It also tells us if we forget God has cleansed us, we won’t mature spiritually (2 Peter 1:9).

Those overcome with shame often think they’re worse than other people. But at the judgment, they will see that many others shared their sins, just as 1 Corinthians 10:13 says. So if they never succeeded in fully realizing God’s complete forgiveness and cleansing on this earth, they will see it with their own eyes in heaven.

10. Will heaven be boring?

Bored cherubs in heaven in Sistine Madonna by Rafael [Public Domain] — Rafael: Bored cherubs in Sistine Madonna

For instance, in Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer said that Miss Watson “went on and told me all about the good place. She said all a body would have to do there was to go around all day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever. So I didn’t think too much of it. But I never said so.”

The idea that we’ll do nothing in heaven but sing comes from a misunderstanding of Revelation 4:8, which describes “four living creatures” with six wings who “day and night… never cease to say, ‘Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!’” But “never cease” means they sing this regularly, not that they sing forever in a loop. Indeed, they give commands (Revelation 6:1-2), sing different songs (14:3), and distribute bowls to angels (15:7).

Of course humans will worship God. But our primary occupation will be reigning with Christ forever in the magnificent new heavens and earth (Revelation 22:5).

10 Things You Want to Know About Heaven But Are Embarrassed to Ask Share on X

February 27, 2019/8 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Spiritual Practices, Bible Study, Encouragement, Old Testament

7 Free Tools for Understanding the Old Testament

My church’s women’s Bible study just completed Angie Smith’s Seamless: Understanding the Bible as One Complete Story. It was perfect for small groups that have a mix of new believers and mature Christians (more on that next week). Several women told me they’d love to understand the Old Testament even better, especially where the prophetic books fit in with the histories. They also wanted to dive deeper into their understanding of the entire story of the Bible. So I’m offering a two-part series on tools to help you do just that.

Timeline: Daniel in Exile 620 to 530 BC

Here I offer

A link to a free downloadable Bible outline
A link to six timelines to help you understand the Old Testament
Tips on using those tools to read the Old Testament chronologically
A short explanation of how the Old Testament prophetic books fit with the books of history

Old Testament and New Testament Outline

The Bible’s books are arranged by genre. You need to know a book’s genre to understand what you’re reading. If your Bible’s table of contents doesn’t outline the books for you, go to my Free Resources page and click the link to Subscriber Specials. There you’ll find a downloadable Bible outline you can use to add headings to your contents page.

Bible Outline

As the Bible Outline shows, the Old Testament books of Joshua through Esther are histories. Reading the histories chronologically gives us a better understanding of what happened. The histories are listed chronologically with three exceptions:

Ruth takes place somewhere within Judges.
1,2 Chronicles were written around the time of Ezra and Nehemiah, but they chronicle King David’s reign and the reigns of his descendants.
- Chapters 1-9 are genealogies starting with Adam. Part of chapter 9 goes with Nehemiah 11.
- The rest of 1,2 Chronicles goes with 1 Samuel 31 to the end of 2 Kings.
Esther goes with Ezra 4:6.

How to Read 1,2 Chronicles Chronologically

Saul, David, and Solomon reigned over all of Israel. After Solomon, the kingdom split into two kingdoms: Israel to the north and Judah to the south. David’s descendants ruled over the south. While 1,2 Kings summarizes the reigns of both kingdoms, 1,2 Chronicles summarizes only the reigns of David and his descendants. Therefore, to read Kings with Chronicles, use two bookmarks. When you finish reading about David, Solomon, and any king of Judah, hop over to Chronicles and read about the same king.

Timelines for Reading the Old Testament Prophets with the Histories

Timelines that show historical events and when the prophets ministered will help you understand what events the prophets were talking about. They’ll also help you coordinate reading the histories and prophetic books together.

How the Prophetic Books are Arranged

The books of the prophets are divided into two groups:

The Major Prophets ministered over decades so their books are longer (“major” means long)
The Minor Prophets ministered for shorter times so their books are shorter (“minor” means short).

How to Read the Prophetic Books with the Histories

NIV Timeline showing the prophets’ ministries (Zondervan)

To read the prophetic books with the histories, keep timelines at hand. My NIV Zondervan Study Bible has timelines that show key historical events, the kings’ reigns, and the ministries of the major prophets and half the minor prophets. I wrote five additional minor prophets’ names on the timeline approximately where they go (see figure). Two prophetic books are missing from this timeline: Lamentations, which Jeremiah wrote so it belongs with Jeremiah’s ministry on the timeline, and Joel, whose date is unknown. If your Bible has timelines, use the figure to the right to fill in any missing prophets.

Free Timelines

I often create additional timelines that zoom in on time periods that have a lot of related material. Over on the Free Resources page, click the link for Subscriber Specials to find six timelines I created for The Story: Personal Journal and Discussion Guide (the guide is there, too). The timelines show you at a glance where the main prophets fit within the histories.

1 Kings Of Israel and Judah 930 to 850 BC
2 The Beginning of the End 750 to 680 BC: The fall of Israel and the prophetic ministries of Amos, Hosea, and Isaiah
3 The Kingdoms Fall 655 to 570 BC: The fall of Judah and the prophetic ministries of Jeremiah, Daniel, and Ezekiel
4 Daniel in Exile 620 to 530 BC: Shows Daniel’s chapters chronologically
5 The Return Home 540 to 470 BC: The return from Exile, Esther, and the prophetic ministries of Daniel, Haggai, and Zechariah
6 Rebuilding the Walls 480 to 430 BC: Esther, rebuilding the walls under Ezra and Nehemiah, and the prophetic ministry of Malachi

Understanding How the Prophetic Books and Histories Relate

The key to understanding how most of the prophets and histories relate is this cycle:

When Moses brought the Israelites to the Promised Land, he warned them that if they ever turned away from God and started committing the sins of the current inhabitants (such as sacrificing children to idols), God would drive them out of the land.
Whenever the people went astray, God sent prophets to call them to repent and return to God lest God drive them out of the land.
Eventually the people quit listening to the prophets, so the prophets’ message changed to one of impending judgment via exile followed by grace; the messages of grace talked about a new King who would one day rule righteously.

The northern kingdom of Israel quit listening to the prophets first, so God sent Assyria to deport them from the land. Later, the southern kingdom of Judah quit listening to the prophets and God sent Babylon to deport them. After 70 years, God allowed the people to return to the land, but they were ruled by foreign powers. There they awaited the new anointed King, the Messiah. The New Testament tells us about him: Jesus Christ.

Tips About the Major Prophets

NIV Zondervan Study Bible with Old Testament Notes

NIV Zondervan Study Bible (affiliate link to Amazon)

Here are a couple helpful points about the major prophets.

All the major prophets are from Judah (the southern kingdom)
Isaiah prophesied around the time of the fall of Israel (the northern kingdom); the rest prophesied around the time of the fall of Judah
Judah’s exile happened in three stages, resulting in 3 prophets speaking from diverse places
- Daniel went to the Babylonian king’s palace in the first deportation; he served in government and showed God was in charge
- Ezekiel went to Mesopotamia in the second deportation; ministered to exiles
- Jeremiah stayed in Jerusalem until the third deportation and Jerusalem’s fall; he helped the people who ignored his warnings mourn
Only Ezekiel is chronological

Tips About the Minor Prophets

The Minor Prophets are clustered around 3 events:
- The time leading up to and surrounding Israel’s exile: The first 6 books except Obadiah and perhaps Joel (Joel’s date is unknown)
- The time leading up to Judah’s exile: Books 7-9 plus Obadiah
- Between Judah’s restoration and the end of Ezra’s and Nehemiah’s reforms: The last 3 books
They tell us a lot about social injustice and what God thinks about the rich and powerful taking advantage of the weak
Want to know more? Here’s an article I wrote for Crosswalk: 6 Things Every Christian Should Know About the Minor Prophets

Next week I’ll review Bibles, books, and study guides that are helpful for understanding the Old Testament.

The key to understanding how the Old Testament prophetic books relate to the histories Share on X

Free Bible outline and timelines Share on X

How to read the Old Testament chronologically (not as hard as you think!) Share on X

November 1, 2017/2 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Encouragement, Christian Living, Message Series

The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness

What’s the ultimate reason behind unforgiveness? Part 5 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Forgiving without excusing is hard, so hard it sometimes seems unforgiveness won’t ever let go.

When I stopped excusing my mother’s actions as based on ignorance and inability to help herself, I had to learn something new: forgiving without excusing. I made good progress when I prayed in ways that bolstered faith in God’s promises and good care. The anger eased significantly. But it still sometimes flared unexpectedly.

Unforgiveness & a Cry for Help

Then one day it erupted in a way that scared me. I was driving my pale blue Toyota Corolla to work as the sun was just rising, when I spied a girl in a steel blue school uniform skipping gaily, two perfect dark braids bouncing on her carefully pressed short-sleeved shirt.

Her mother loves her, I thought. And then, I hate her!

In that moment I feared what I would become if I didn’t forgive my mother: filled with hatred and jealousy towards those who had what I wanted, even if they hadn’t wronged me. My stomach churned as I realized I had it in me to be like her. In my pride, I hadn’t thought that possible. Though I might never hurt a child as she did, if I harbored hatred I would be like her.

Suddenly, I wondered when she first chose not to forgive. Had she stood at the same crossroads, but made the easier choice and let bitterness seep in, not knowing it would spread and finally rule?

I clenched the steering wheel in desperation. “God, I don’t want to become like my mother. Help me forgive!”

Unforgiveness & a Cry for Justice

Unforgiveness finds Justice in the Crucifixion

The Crucifixion (Rembrandt [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

I considered how Jesus compared forgiving sin to forgiving a debt, and thought perhaps if I prayed aloud to release her from her debt—for God not to punish her for her sins—that might equal forgiveness even if my emotions dallied.

“God, I want you not to punish—” Do I? “No! That’s not what I want! I want Justice!”

And then I understood. More quietly I finished, “But I also want to be forgiven.” I paused as I remembered my ugliest sins.

I turned onto the freeway. Ahead, the morning sun had risen above the horizon. “God, I know my many sins against you far outweigh hers against me. So I pray that you draw my mother to know you, and if she receives Jesus as her Savior, then Justice will be done by his shed blood. And if she rejects Jesus, then Justice will be done when her sins are held against her. I forgive her as I want to be forgiven, and leave her in your hands.”

At that moment I knew it wasn’t mine to determine whether my mother received eternal forgiveness. That was between her and God. It wasn’t even mine to know to what degree my mother’s actions were intentional: Only God sees the heart.

In my heart, mercy had triumphed over judgment.

Peace washed up and through me. Yes, Justice would be done. I was humbled by the glimpse of the depths to which I could fall without God’s grace. And I was no longer angry. I truly wanted God to give my mother the same grace I wanted him to give me.

Unforgiveness Stripped Away

That was many years ago. Neither the jealousy nor the rage returned. As new affronts came—whether from her or others—the lessons learned through forgiving my mother helped me continue to forgive without excusing.

How Excusing Sin Leads to Unforgiveness

In time I understood how excusing sin actually produced the pride that prevented forgiving. I had initially excused my mother’s wrongs by telling myself she didn’t know better; after all, no sane person would purposefully and knowingly harm children. Thus, my siblings and I were safe from repeating her actions because we knew better. We were better than she because we had superior knowledge.

When my false belief that she didn’t know better collapsed, its sister belief changed slightly: “My siblings and I and most people I know would never purposefully and knowingly harm children.” Now, we were better than she innately.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn & why unforgiveness is unwarranted

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (by Verhoeff, Bert / Anefo [CC BY-SA 3.0 nl (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/nl/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons)

And that was the pride blocking forgiveness: this subconscious sense that I was somehow better than she and therefore more deserving of mercy. When I wasn’t.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who suffered eight years in a Soviet gulag, asked this about those who committed genocide:

Where did this wolf-tribe appear from among our people? Does it really stem from our own roots? Our own blood?

It is our own.

And just so we don’t go around flaunting too proudly the white mantle of the just, let everyone ask himself: “If my life had turned out differently, might I myself not have become just such an executioner?”

It is a dreadful question if one answers it honestly.^{^[i]}

If I answer honestly, then I know that if my life had turned out differently (especially if I hadn’t come to Christ), I could have murdered or abused or terrorized or done any number of things I’ve escaped. I could have been like my mother. Because I’m not innately better. And therefore not more deserving of mercy.

We can Choose to Forgive

We can choose to forgive because forgiving is about more than one relationship with an offender: It’s about future relationships; about healing us; and about participating in divine Justice and Mercy.

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[i] Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago, 73.

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series:

December 13, 2016/5 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Message Series, Christian Living, Encouragement, Spiritual Practices

4 Sins that Require Faith to Forgive

How do we take hold of faith to forgive when forgiving is tough? Part 4 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Some sins are relatively easy to forgive: unintentional sins and minor wrongs, for instance. Other sins are much harder. Here are four that require faith to forgive.

It takes Faith to Forgive Sins that Cause Great Loss

When we lose possessions, relationships, health, or dreams because of someone’s sin, we’ll need faith to forgive: faith that we cannot lose anything of eternal value. Our heavenly treasures can be neither stolen nor destroyed (Matthew 6:19-21).

Many early Christians lost everything (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1862, public domain)

I once lost a position after someone lied about me; I also lost relationships. I had to in faith believe that our losses and hurts here will not harm us in ways God cannot redeem. After all, God does work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). Indeed, when we suffer loss and hardship with faith, we gain an eternal reward (1 Peter 1:6-7; 2 Corinthians 4:17).

Our earthly losses are losses of temporal things only. We must let them go, for holding onto grudges over things lost makes those things idols raised above obeying God. Because of their faith, the first Christians “joyfully accepted” the plundering of their property because they knew that they “had a better possession and an abiding one” in the life to come (Hebrews 10:34).

It takes Faith to Forgive Malicious Slander

False and malicious slander is a fiery dart in the hand of the jealous, the power hungry, the fame seeker, the revenge taker, and the self-justifier. When aimed at us, we need faith to forgive: faith that believes only God’s opinion matters. Like Paul, we must consider others’ judgments “a very small thing” (1 Corinthians 4:1-5).

False witnesses accuse Jesus before the ruling council (José Madrazo, 1803, public domain)

A leader who believed the lies I mentioned above expressed harsh words about me. I memorized and quoted 1 Corinthians 4:1-5 regularly. I imagined myself holding up a giant shield of faith between me and the fiery darts of his judgments. The shield extinguished the darts, blocked them from piercing me, and moved my eyes from them onto our Redeemer.

Jesus warned that we would be unfairly maligned: “If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household! So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known” (Matthew 10:25-26). We don’t need to harbor unforgiveness because God can and will reveal the truth. His timing is perfect, even if the truth isn’t revealed till the Judgment.

It takes Faith to Forgive Wrongs Committed Over and Over and OVER

When family members or friends apologize, but keep doing the same things, they appear insincere. After all, repentance means trying to change. It takes faith to forgive repeatedly. In fact, when Jesus told the apostles they must forgive others over and over, they responded, “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:3-5).

Jesus had faith to forgive Peter denying him 3 times

Peter denied Jesus 3 times (Carl Heinrich Bloch, 1873, public domain)

I doubt there’s anyone who hasn’t faced repeated wrongs. When my husband and I were dating, we agreed to never bring up a past wrong once we’ve said, “I forgive you.” To respond to an apology with, “But this is the fifth time,” is not loving, for love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Besides, bringing up past offenses separates even close friends, while putting forgiven faults behind us seeks love (Proverbs 17:9).

To forgive, I have to let go of that part of me which protests, “If she really cared, she wouldn’t keep doing this,” because how much someone loves me isn’t the point. That’s between her and God. My relationships aren’t about other people being what I want them to be: They’re about me being what God wants me to be.

Moreover, haven’t we all come to God confessing the same thing over and over again? We must grant the mercy we wish to receive. Only God knows the heart—which is why my part is to forgive and leave ultimate justice to God.

It takes Faith to Forgive Betrayal

Who hasn’t been betrayed by someone trusted? When we’re betrayed, it takes faith to forgive: faith that believes God rewards repaying hatred with love. Jesus calls us to love our enemies, do good to them, bless them, and pray for them, for God will greatly reward us (Luke 6:27-35).

Joseph had faith to forgive his brothers' betrayal

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1855, public domain)

When betrayed, we must remember no one can circumvent God’s good plans for us (Romans 8:28-31). After I learned that my mother knew her sins against me and my siblings were wrong, I prayed for insight into why the anger held on even though I’d tried to forgive her.

My Right?

It struck me that part of the reason is that I had considered parental love and goodness a right. God commands them, to be sure. But God had adopted me and I had a new, perfect Parent who was giving me all I needed: “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close” (Psalm 27:10).

Beyond God’s Redemption?

I pondered further. Had I lost anything that God couldn’t work for good? No, Joseph’s story showed that (Genesis 50:20), and I’d already seen some good come from it in that others with similar backgrounds were more open to talk to me about Christ. Had I lost anything of eternal worth? No, heavenly treasures can’t be destroyed or stolen (Matthew 6:19-20). Everything that’s of this earth alone will pass away, so if I haven’t lost anything of eternal worth, then in the long run I haven’t actually lost anything.

A Prayer of Faith

In faith I chose to believe that God could use my mother’s betrayal for good, not just for me, but also for others (2 Corinthians 1:4). I prayed, “God, I trust you to work my mother’s wrongs for good for me, my siblings, and others. Keep the three of us from repeating her sins. Thank you for opening my eyes to know you. Thank you for the ways I’ve already seen you work good from my past.”

The anger finally began to subside.

Yet for this betrayal, I needed one more step. That’s the topic of my next post.

4 sins that take faith to forgive Share on X

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Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series:

December 5, 2016/7 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Spiritual Practices, Christian Living, Encouragement, Message Series

How Confessing and Forgiving are Inseparable

To forgive, combine confessing and forgiving as Jesus taught. Part 3 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Jesus said something astonishing in the Lord’s Prayer about confessing and forgiving. He said we should pray,

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12

In so doing, he linked confessing and forgiving. He followed up with this:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14–15

New Testament scholar D. A. Carson says, “There is no forgiveness for the one who does not forgive. How could it be otherwise? His unforgiving spirit bears strong witness to the fact that he has never repented” (Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His Confrontation with the World, 75).

Confessing and forgiving in "Return of the Prodigal Son"

A wayward son finds forgiveness and his father’s embrace in “Return of the Prodigal Son” by Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn (circa 1668)

Confessing and forgiving are strongly connected. True repentance is the necessary path to true forgiveness, for those who haven’t honestly and deeply repented of their own sins lack the capacity to forgive others.

Previously

In my last two posts, I discussed what forgiving isn’t and said that the first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive. I began the story of how I realized that I had been excusing my mother’s sin by saying, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” When the fact that she had known better bowled over my excuses, I felt betrayed. Rage overcame me. Instead of excusing sin, I needed to do the much harder job of forgiving sin.

Confessing and Forgiving Come Before Confronting

When we’ve committed to forgive, the next step is not confronting those who’ve sinned against us in the hope they’ll apologize and make forgiving easier. Tim Keller explains why: “Only if you first seek inner forgiveness will your confrontation be temperate, wise, and gracious. Only when you have lost the need to see the other person hurt will you have any chance of actually bringing about change, reconciliation, and healing” (The Reason for God, 197). Yes, Jesus said to talk to Christians who’ve sinned against us (Matthew 18), but we must forgive first.

The next step is to pray to forgive in the way Jesus taught: “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). The prayer’s order is essential: confessing and forgiving.

Confessing and Forgiving: “Forgive Us our Debts”

When I need to forgive someone, I begin by confessing my own sins. This reminds me of the grace I need and thus prepares my heart to offer grace. Without regular confession, pride slithers in, and pride doesn’t forgive.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Recent Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal my sins, and then I allow my mind to skim over the events of the last day or so. If anything causes a twitch in my conscience, then I stop and ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve done wrong. I ask him to remind me of verses that might apply.

If I’ve sinned, then I name the sin and confess it to my heavenly Father along with a Scripture that applies: “Father, I took up a reproach against Kathy. But Psalm 15 says those who draw near to you must not take up a reproach against a friend. I confess this was wrong and I ask for your forgiveness.”

It’s important to name the sin so I don’t treat it lightly.

2) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Similar Sins

The Hundred Guilder Print, by Rembrandt

Next I ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve ever committed the same sin I’m about to forgive. Most often I have. If not, I look for similar sins.

With my mother, some offenses I had surely repeated, but no, I’d never committed some of the worse offenses. I had, however, intentionally hurt others. One example rushed to mind: at twelve I lied to my friend Kathy’s mother to get her in trouble.

Initially, I wanted to excuse this because I was retaliating. She had told our schoolmates that she had seen my mother hitting my head as I tried to get out the door on the way to school. She told them that there must be something terribly wrong about me for my mother to hate me like that. I was furious and wanted to pay her back by proving her mother hated her too. Was that a good excuse? No. God judges us by how we judge others, not how we judge ourselves. I had intentionally tried to hurt someone. I needed grace, and I needed to give it.

Besides, retaliation is itself a sin. Kathy may have hurt me unintentionally when she gossiped (at twelve, she may not have known her words would wound). But I believed it wrong; when I retaliated, I did what I believed was wrong. That’s always sin:

For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
Romans 2:1

3) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Associated Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit if I have sinned in any way that is associated with the sin of the person I want to forgive. For instance, if there was a disagreement, did I misspeak in any way? If so, I need to not only confess that to God, but I need to apologize to the person for my part in the difficulty, no matter how small.

In the case of my mother, at the moment I discovered she had known her actions were wrong I hadn’t reacted in any sinful way. But something was nagging me about Kathy. I remembered that when my mother saw Kathy watching her, she ducked behind the kitchen cabinets. I had realized then that she knew her actions were wrong. There was another time, too, when a security guard threatened to call the police if he ever saw her speed around hairpin mountain roads with us in the back of the car again: she turned red and hung her head in shame.

Speaking Truth in the Heart

In my heart, I had known she wronged us intentionally. Why then had I grabbed so quickly to my teacher’s explanation that abusive parents were either ignorant or abused? Besides, it didn’t even make sense biblically. Jealousy drove Cain to kill Abel, not ignorance or wrongful hurts. My teacher was wrong: ignorance and hurt aren’t the only reasons people hurt others; we can, like Cain, choose sin.

I’d lied to myself and to God. Why? Partly because I held the false belief that thinking bad things about people made me a horrible person. But also because I believed good Christians forgive and good Christians aren’t filled with rage. Clinging to the lie pushed the anger underground and let me believe I was a good Christian doing the right thing.

I confessed my lie and the presence of anger and rage I knew shouldn’t be there.

My prayers changed that day: I started examining my emotions as I prayed so I could be utterly honest about what was inside me. Such honest prayer was humbling: it forced me to admit I’d thought too highly of myself.

Confessing and Forgiving: “As We Forgive our Debtors”

When I’ve confessed my sins, I pray, “Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me.” Then in prayer I move to forgive those who’ve sinned against me.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal the Truth about What I’m Forgiving

Rather than brushing all sin under the carpet of unintentional, I now try to understand whether the evidence supports intentional or unintentional sin. Because “Love … believes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), I give the person the benefit of the doubt based on the actual evidence. I refuse to judge hidden motives:

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts
1 Corinthians 4:5

This helps me forgive what actually happened. Forgiving something that didn’t happen isn’t true forgiving. Scripture calls sin a debt, and we can err on both sides of the debt equation. If someone owes me $1,000 dollars and I accuse her of owing me $10,000, then I will have a difficult time forgiving because doing so demands that I hold to a fantasy of having been wronged more than I have. On the other hand, If someone owes me $1,000 and I offer forgiveness for $100, the hundred is easier to forgive, but it requires I hold to the lie that the other $900 wasn’t taken.

Christ preaching on confessing and forgiving

Christ Preaching (La Petite Tombe), by Rembrandt

Either way, the truth has a way of poking through lies.

Those who wish to dwell with God must speak truth in their hearts (Psalm 15:2). If what we’re forgiving is unintentional sin, then we must forgive it as such. If we’re forgiving intentional, even malicious, sin, as much as it hurts, we must acknowledge it.

2) Name the Person and the Sin

When in prayer I forgive someone, I name the person and the sin:

“God, I forgive Kathy for gossiping about me”
“I forgive my mother for driving at high speeds around hairpin turns while drunk with us in the backseat”

Naming people individually keeps me from letting this be a flippant exercise rather than part of worship. Naming the sin ensures that what I’m forgiving is an actual sin. If I cannot name the sin according to what it’s called in the Bible, then I confess that I have held something against someone that was not a sin and ask the Holy Spirit to show me why I’ve done so. Naming the actual sin often leads to meditation on why God calls that action sin. It also leads me to the next prayer part.

Confessing and Forgiving: Ask God to Forgive Me as I Forgive

I then ask God to forgive me as I forgive this person: “I forgive my mother as I want you to forgive me; I give her the grace you’ve given me.”

This prayer does not mean forgiving others causes God to forgive me, as if I must pay for forgiveness (a paltry payment indeed, compared to what really bought my forgiveness). Rather, it reminds me of what my Lord wants me to do so I may do it at once.

***

In most cases, confessing and forgiving as I’ve outlined here is all I need do. But if I’ve suffered a great loss, I must pray three more prayers.

Confessing and forgiving are linked because true forgiving requires true repentance Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series:

What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness

June 29, 2016/2 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Spiritual Practices, Christian Living, Encouragement, Message Series

Must I Forgive THIS Sin?

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive, but to do that, I need to know: must I forgive this offense? Part 2 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

In my last post on What Forgiving Isn’t, I shared six substitutes that masquerade as forgiving, but which merely manage emotions for a time. Forgiving deliberate sins that cause significant hurt and loss can be difficult, but it’s possible with the Holy Spirit’s help.

My first real struggle with forgiving came in my twenties with the sudden revelation that my mother had known her hatred and mistreatment were wrong. For years I had prayed, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” I thought I had forgiven her because this prayer immediately eased the anger and hurt. But the revelation that she knew better crashed into the fence of excuses I’d used to corral my emotions, and now anger, hurt, jealousy, and rage galloped over me like wild horses.

I tried telling God, “I forgive her,” but the tumultuous emotions wouldn’t go away. I wondered if it were possible to forgive and still be angry.

The first step towards forgiving when forgiving is hard is making a commitment to forgive. But before we can make such a commitment, we need to know if we need to forgive.

Must I Forgive If I’ve tried But I’m Still Angry?

I truly thought I’d forgiven. But had I? Was saying “I forgive” enough?

I looked at Scriptures about anger. Ephesians 4:31 said, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Truth be told, I was filled with rage and anger, possibly even bitterness and malice. I tried to get rid of it by emotionally thrusting it away, but it wouldn’t go.

Ephesians 4:32

I read the next verse: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” It was easy to be compassionate when I thought she didn’t know better, but how was I to be compassionate towards someone who had intentionally wronged my siblings and me? Yet this verse juxtaposed compassion and forgiving with rage and anger. It didn’t look like I could claim I’d forgiven.

Besides, a few verses earlier said, “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (v. 26). This anger had built up over years.

While it’s true that it takes time for emotions to calm after a loss, the level of anger made me sure I hadn’t yet forgiven from the heart.

A thought occurred to me and I asked God, Must I forgive? I looked at different situations.

Must I Forgive What the Bible Doesn’t Call Sin?

No, the presence of hurt or anger doesn’t necessarily mean someone has sinned against me. If something’s not sinful, I need to overlook it. For example, I might not like it that two of my girlfriends had lunch without me, but they didn’t sin.

We should also pray for the Holy Spirit to show us why we’re offended over something not wrong; it might be that what’s wrong is in us rather than the other person: impatience, pride, poor planning skills. For instance, if I’m bothered that a friend corrected me, I probably should confess pride and pray for the wisdom to take correction graciously: “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

Must I Forgive Unintentional Sin?

Jesus taught that unintentional sins are lesser sins than intentional sins: “And that servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more” (Luke 12:47-48).

So unintentional sins—sins of ignorance and sins of weakness—are still sins, and yes, we must forgive them, not excuse or ignore them.

Must I Forgive Repeated Sin?

“But he’s done it over and over again! He says he’s sorry, but he’s not changing so how I can I believe him?” Many spouses bring this one up.

They’re in good company. After Jesus taught about restoring a believer who has sinned against you, Peter went to Jesus and asked how often he had to forgive: “Seven times?” Jesus answered, “Seventy-seven!” Then he told the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. The bottom line is that if we’re grateful for the mercy God has shown us, then we must show mercy to others because the debt we owe God far exceeds the debt others owe us (Matthew 18:21–35).

Besides, how many of us haven’t repeated the same sins we’ve confessed many times before? If we want God’s mercy, others must have ours.

Must I Forgive Deliberate Sin?

Yes. Jesus never said to forgive only unintentional sins. He said, ^“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Must I Forgive Unrepentant Sin?

My mother wasn’t repentant. In fact, she still threw verbal darts. Did I need to forgive her?

I searched my Bible for the answer. Although a couple passages talked about forgiving the repentant, others spoke about forgiving all sin: “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” (Mark 11:25). It seemed that even if we ended relationship with someone unrepentant, we must still forgive in some sense. I didn’t know in what sense yet.

But I did know I had to get rid of the bitterness and anger, and forgiving seemed the only way.

Out of sheer obedience, I prayed, “Father, I forgive her.” The anger remained, but I knew my willingness pleased God. I committed to finding a way to forgive, trusting that the God who made me willing to change would also make me able (Philippians 2:13).

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive Share on X

Must I forgive? Six situations examined. Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series:

June 16, 2016/0 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Encouragement, Christian Living, Message Series, Spiritual Practices

What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving

Forgiving isn’t always what we think it is. Part 1 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Forgiving isn’t managing emotions. Most Christians know Jesus taught that we must forgive. But when anger and hurt linger, we sometimes turn to forgiveness substitutes that merely manage our emotions—and not all that well.

Here are five stand-ins that masquerade as forgiveness.

Forgiving Isn’t Pretending

One of my most vivid, recurring nightmares was about me lying in my bed as a man and woman quietly opened the door to my bedroom to see if I were asleep. In the nightmare, I watched them through nearly closed eyes as I pretended to sleep, repeating over and over again in my head, “I’ve got to pretend I didn’t hear or they’ll kill me; I’ve got to pretend I don’t remember or they’ll kill me.”

Our childhood home was violent. Pretending nothing happened was required.

But pretending nothing happened isn’t forgiving because forgiving is always based on truth.

When I started dating Clay, I brought the habit of pretending into our relationship. He’d ask if something were wrong and I’d respond, “No, everything is fine.” I thought telling myself everything was fine and making myself believe everything was fine was the same as being fine. Clay never let it pass and always probed. I’d be surprised at the anger that would come out when I tried to talk about things: obviously, everything wasn’t fine.

God wants us to speak truth in our heart (Psalm 15:2, 51:6). Pretending nothing is wrong is not only a lie, it’s a form of holding a grudge. Pretending’s purpose is to make others think you’ve forgotten or forgiven when you haven’t.

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Forgiving Isn’t Forgetting

As with many authors, movies often play in my head. Years ago I was with a group of ministry leaders when a woman spoke up about her struggles with forgiving an abusive mother. She said, “Maybe I just need to forget.”

Immediately in my mind’s eye I saw a raincoat-clad girl begin to climb down from a boat’s deck as the boat swayed gently in a calm sea. She reached the lower deck and entered a tidy, brightly colored room with yellow walls and a painting of a red boat on a calm, blue sea. On the back wall a dark brown curtain covered a closet. The girl went to retrieve something near the closet.

Suddenly the tip of what looked like an octopus tentacle reached out from beneath the curtain and grabbed her ankle. The girl struggled, but quickly broke loose, overturning a chair as she escaped. However, the tentacle—surely a sea monster’s arm—thrashed around, toppling more furniture and knocking the painting askew before retreating behind the curtain.

Jesus said we must forgive

That, I thought, is exactly what happens when you try to forget. Life seems calm and tidy, until something happens that brings you too close to the sea monster memory you’re avoiding. That memory disrupts everything.

Shoving Out of Mind Doesn’t Work

I was skilled at shoving things out of my mind. Perhaps it was because our father claimed he could read our minds and would punish us if he found we were thinking anything bad about him. I believed him. At a hair’s-breadth notice, my mind would blank out every negative experience.

In my twenties, another occurrence of my father’s rage triggered an onslaught of memories and all those shoved-down emotions came roaring back with more intensity than I thought possible.

Doesn’t God Forget Sins?

Sometimes I hear someone say that God forgets when he forgives and so should we. God doesn’t give up his omniscience such that every time a pastor preaches on David and Bathsheba, he declares, “What? I didn’t know David sinned!” In the Bible, when God says he’ll “remember” someone’s sins against him, he means he’ll punish them, and when he says he’ll “forget,” he means he will no longer punish. God knows the depth of what he forgives.

Shoving things out of your mind and trying to forget is merely an ineffective way to manage emotions: ineffective because life will trigger memories along with the accompanying emotions now multiplied.

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Forgiving Isn’t Taking the Blame

Victimizers blame their victims. Unless they repent and turn to Christ for forgiveness, how else can they live with their conscience?

I’ve accepted blame I shouldn’t have; I’ve jumped in with a “That’s my fault” plenty of times when it wasn’t true. Sometimes it was because I mistakenly thought something good or neutral to be bad. But other times I was simply hoping to be liked or looking for the easiest way out of conflict.

Jesus paid the price for our sins; he didn’t say he caused them. We can forgive without taking blame that isn’t ours. Knowingly accepting blame we don’t own is deception, not forgiveness. It’s a sign of being a people-pleaser rather than a God-pleaser.

Forgiving Isn’t Taking Revenge

On the other side, I’ve also given blame I should have owned, justifying cutting words because the other person was “more” wrong or was the first to do wrong. This makes forgiving harder because it requires the other person to take more blame than he or she is due, and most people refuse. Besides, God won’t let anyone truly walking with him get away with such nonsense for long.

It may feel like getting back at someone will make you feel better so you can “forgive,” but it won’t. Revenge escalates matters. Revenge—whether responding tit-for-tat, unleashing anger, or back-biting—exacts payment in place of forgiving. It’s also sin (Rom. 12:19, Col. 3:8).

Forgiving Isn’t Excusing

In my pre-teens and teens, I struggled with anger, particularly towards my mother. I longed to know why she hated me. My mom said it was because I’d ruined her life; my dad said it was because he wanted to hurt her so he told her I was smarter than she. Both answers hurt and I wanted something else: an answer that made neither my mom nor me bad people.

At about fifteen, I read the New Testament. I became a Christian in the middle of the Gospel of John. I read what Jesus said about forgiving, so I prayed, “I forgive,” over every hurt that happened.

At sixteen, I took a psychology class. The nice, graying teacher soothingly said that abusive parents were either abused themselves or just didn’t know better. I finally had an answer. I knew my grandparents weren’t abusive (my aunts have since confirmed that), so I hung on to ignorance: it’s easy to forgive someone who doesn’t know better. The anger washed away.

Until nearly a decade later when I sat in her dark living room with my sister and three-year-old nephew. He started whining that he wanted to go home. Both my sister and I jumped to hush him before my mother yelled or hit him.

She stopped us and said, “This house has a rule: No one is to say an unkind word to him.” I jerked back, stunned. She knew better! Jealousy consumed me and I said I had to leave. For years I had corralled all the anger and hurt behind the fence of “She doesn’t know better,” and now that fence had fallen and the emotions galloped out like horses finally freed.

Unintentional sin is much easier to forgive than intentional sin. But telling ourselves that deliberate sin is involuntary just because it makes it easier to forgive isn’t honest. When it comes to intentional wrongs, we must do the much harder job of forgiving without excusing.

What Forgiving Is

So forgiving isn’t pretending, forgetting, taking wrongful blame, taking revenge, or excusing. So what is it then? That topic begins in my next post.

A brief note is due: My father has changed and no longer has bouts of rage. My mother was prone to depression and was an alcoholic. I believe that before she died, she had deep regrets over many things.

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When it comes to intentional wrongs, we must do the hard job of forgiving w/o excusing Share on X

Are you forgiving or merely managing emotions? Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series:

May 26, 2016/10 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Christian Living, Encouragement, Psalms

God’s Hidden Blessings

Our twenty-one-year-old Green Machine (aka Honda Accord) won’t pass the next California smog test, so we’re car shopping. (We save oodles of money by driving a car till it or Sacramento calls it quits. Since I don’t commute, that can take years.) As we drove into the big parking lots with rows of shiny cars, fluttering flags, and bright signs announcing “New!” and “Deals!,” I favored Honda because this is our second Honda that lasted twenty years with few trips to the shop.

Look for God’s hidden blessings & you’ll find joy

But last week our eleven-year-old silver CRV needed $1200 work to put out an engine light, and today it needs $1600 to fix the air conditioner that gasped, clattered, and died amidst a triple digit heat wave. Thankfully, it perished on a Sunday so driving a black labyrinth of freeways winding through brown and olive-green hills with the windows down and a big barrette clamping my hair back was rather nice. We even made a game out of counting cars with open windows during the thirty-mile drive: There were three.

But while I had forgotten the fun of a weekend open-air drive, I clearly remembered summer weekdays in stop-and-crawl traffic before AC when I would arrive at work with damp hair plastered to my forehead and neck and with the back of my blouse soaked. Yuck. Thankfully, we have the funds, so Clay took it to the Honda dealer first thing this morning and pounded away on his laptop in their chilled waiting room that smelled of coffee and just-baked chocolate chip cookies. (Yes, he indulged.)

The two big repair bills a few days apart made me wonder: Was it really that Hondas are exceptionally well made that we’ve been so blessed with low maintenance costs? Or have I been attributing to a carmaker something that was really God’s hidden blessings during tight times? There’s no way to know for sure how active God was in all of this, of course, though we do know that God takes good care of us.

God’s Hidden Blessings Come Daily

Psalm 71:15 God’s hidden blessings are beyond counting

In fact, Psalm 71:15 tells us that every day God acts for our good in ways we don’t even know about:

My mouth will tell of your righteous acts,
of your deeds of salvation all the day,
for their number is past my knowledge.

This gem is in the middle of an elderly saint’s prayer psalm. He’s walked with God since childhood. He’s met many troubles, and he knows how to pray with hope and praise. He’s described his dilemma, recounted God’s character, and recalled God’s past help.

And something happens: He remembers his purpose is to tell others what God has done for him—a purpose that old age can’t rob from him. He announces how he’s going to do just that, for God does so much for him in twenty-four hours that he doesn’t even know the extent of God’s help!

What faith! The many ways he’s seen God act assures him that God has acted invisibly, too.

Noticing God’s Hidden Blessings

The psalmist’s attitude isn’t natural. It’s easier to forget God when things go well and blame him when things go awry. Ironically, people who are quick to grumble that God didn’t intervene in misfortune seem slowest to acknowledge the divine hand in blessings.

Conversely, those who are attune to God’s blessing begin to see his blessings even in the midst of hardship:

Jacob held to God’s promises, despite grief over news of his son’s death. He was unaware the young man was alive and in God’s care.
Joseph obeyed God, despite betrayal and false imprisonment. He was oblivious to God’s plan for him to save his family.
David sang of God’s faithfulness, despite King Saul’s jealous pursuit. He didn’t know how God would fulfill his promise to make him king.
Daniel prayed faithfully, despite the king’s edict against prayer. He wasn’t privy to God’s purpose to use this to proclaim his power throughout the empire.
Paul sang hymns, despite imprisonment. He didn’t suspect God planned an earthquake to open the prison doors.

God's hidden blessings come daily! Share on X

Am I Missing God’s Hidden Blessings?

So am I oblivious to God’s hidden blessings in my everyday life? When my health is good, do I take it for granted or do I give thanks? When it’s bad, do I complain first or do I thank God for my prior good health? Likewise, when a project goes well, do I congratulate myself on my exceptional foresight, skill, and hard work? Or do I thank God for giving me skills and help? When a project falls apart, do I blame God or do I acknowledge how my past successes may have depended on him?

Praise for God’s Hidden Blessings

The psalmist saw God’s saving hand everywhere. He knew God acted daily in his life. Looking back, he remembered that even when God made him see calamities, God always revived him. He acknowledged that God delivered him more times than he knew. And so he praised God.

Today I pause to thank God for hidden acts:

the car parts and house pipes and computer drives that lasted through the recession until funds arrived
the dangers avoided during many travels
my elderly father-in-law signing over his trust a few weeks before a mini-stroke left him mentally unfit
the mistakes I could have made but didn’t
the friends and mentors who’ve encouraged and guided

Surely, I do not know the number of his righteous acts, and I give thanks for God’s hidden blessings

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August 25, 2015/0 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Encouragement, Bible Study, Psalms

What’s So Good about Royal Psalms?

What is a royal psalm anyway? And why should we care?

Just as today we hear many types of songs—love songs, anthems, lullabies, ballads, odes, rap and more—so the ancient Hebrews heard many types of psalms—royal psalms, wisdom songs, laments, thanksgiving songs, hymns, confidence songs, and more. Knowing a psalm’s type helps us know how to interpret it.

Royal psalms tell us how God intends to destroy evil

Acts 4 identifies all the people in Acts 2:1-3

About ten psalms are categorized as royal psalms because they’re about the Davidic monarchy; for example, a coronation song, a royal wedding song, and prayers for the king.

Since ancient Israel was a type of the heavenly kingdom, and King David was a type of King Jesus, royal psalms often have elements that apply to the kingdom of heaven and to Jesus’ reign. When they do, they’re also called Messianic psalms. Messiah means “anointed one”; Messianic psalms are about the One anointed to rule forever: Jesus. Sometimes an entire psalm can apply to Messiah Jesus, while other times just portions suit him.

Why is that important? The ten royal psalms help us celebrate our future and how God intends to end evil. They partially answer those big questions that stab our hearts when jihadists gloat over beheadings; when a friend’s spouse abandons her for a new love; and when pancreatic cancer threatens a young father.

The 10 royal psalms help us celebrate our future and how God intends to end evil Share on X

Let’s look at which psalms are royal and then see how to interpret them.

Ten Royal Psalms

Here are ten psalms scholars commonly classify as royal.

Psalm	Author	Royal Topic
Psalm 2	David	King’s coronation
Psalm 18	David	King’s battle victory
Psalm 20	David	Prayer for king for battle victory
Psalm 21	David	Praise by king for battle victory
Psalm 45	Sons of Korah	King’s wedding
Psalm 72	Solomon	Prayer for king’s dominion
Psalm 89	Ethan the Ezrahite	Davidic covenant
Psalm 101	David	King’s charter
Psalm 110	David	Priestly kingdom
Psalm 144	David	Peace by king’s victory

How to Interpret Royal Psalms

God set Jesus on the throne of the heavenly Zion

When we read royal psalms, we should consider first what they meant in their original context because that clues us in to what they mean when applied to King Jesus. Then we should look at any New Testament citations; to do this, check out your Bible’s text notes or cross references. Next, reflect on how the psalm might illuminate Jesus’ second coming and eternal reign. Finally, read the psalm with all of these contexts in mind.

Here’s a step-by-step example of how to interpret Psalm 2. Its verses are in the images so you can follow along.

Consider the Royal Psalms’ Original Purpose

How was the royal psalm originally used? For example, Psalm 2 doesn’t list an author, but Acts 4:25 tells us the Holy Spirit spoke Psalm 2 through David’s mouth. Psalm 2:7 speaks about God’s decree to David that his throne would be established forever, so Psalm 2 was probably written by David for Solomon’s coronation. After Solomon’s crowning, the kings descended from David most likely continued to use the song at their coronations since the decree was the authority by which all the sons of David ruled.

Psalm 2 was probably written by David for Solomon’s coronation Share on X

Notice Psalm 2:7 says the Lord calls the king his “son.” God called these kings “sons” because in those days, lesser kings (vassals) who served greater kings (suzerains) were referred to as “sons” of the greater king (1 Chronicles 28:5); God was the greater King whom these earthly kings served.

Still, coronations weren’t the psalm’s only use since it could inspire hope and purpose whenever the choirs sang it at the temple.

Look at New Testament Citations of Royal Psalms

The theme of Psalm 2 is in the center

How the New Testament cites the psalm tells us its current and future significance. Here are the New Testament citations of Psalm 2 (see the psalm’s text in the images).

Psalm 2:1-2
- Acts 4:25-26—Identifies all the people in Psalm 2:1-2: Jesus is the Anointed One; the Gentiles are the raging nations; the people of Israel are the peoples plotting in vain; and Herod and Pontius Pilate are the kings and rulers who set themselves against the Lord.
Psalm 2:7
- Acts 13:33—Jesus is the promised Son through whom God fulfills his promises
- Hebrews 1:5—Jesus sits at the right hand of the Majesty on high; he is superior to angels, for to no angel has God said, “You are my Son”; the Son’s inheritance in Psalm 2:8 is more excellent than angels’ inheritance
- Hebrews 5:5—God appointed Jesus, his begotten Son, to be high priest to offer sacrifices for sin

New Testament citations tell us Psalm 2 is ultimately about Jesus Share on X

Psalm 2:9
- Revelation 2:27—Jesus declares saints who conquer on earth will have authority like he has to rule with a “rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken”
- Revelation 12:5—Symbolically, a woman gives birth to a male child who will rule all nations with a “rod of iron”; a dragon tries to devour the child, but the child is caught up to God and his throne
- Revelation 19:15—Jesus as The Word of God riding on a white horse leads the armies of heaven; he will rule with a “rod of iron”; he defeats the beast, the false prophet, and the earthly armies gathered against him; the beast and false prophet are thrown into the lake of fire; the armies perish

From these we see that Psalm 2 is ultimately about Jesus. This is why most Bible translations capitalize “Anointed” in verse 2, “King” in verse 6, and “Son” in verse 7 so readers don’t miss the application to Jesus. Psalm 2 was partly fulfilled on earth when those against him crucified him. But now he sits at the right hand of God, enthroned on the heavenly Zion. Some still rebel against his rule. One day, though, he will return and end all rebellion.

Reflect on Messianic Elements in Royal Psalms

Other New Testament passages shed light on Psalm 2 even though they don’t directly cite it.

The final fulfillment of royal psalms is Jesus' reign Share on X

Remember how in verse 7 God called the kings descended from David “sons”? The relationship between the Davidic kings and the Lord God foreshadowed the greater, unique relationship between Jesus and his Father, for Jesus was born of God literally (Luke 1:32-35). When Jesus was baptized, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Revelation 21 tells the final fulfillment of royal psalms: a new heaven and new earth where God’s Son Jesus will reign forever.

Read Royal Psalms with All their Contexts in Mind

To really gain a rich understanding of and appreciation for the psalm, consider all of its contexts. Here are some suggestions for reading Psalm 2.

The King is coming so be wise

Original Context: Read the decree that Psalm 2 has as its central theme: 2 Samuel 7:12-16. Here God decrees that he will raise up one of David’s sons (Solomon) to build a temple, and he’ll establish David’s throne forever. Also consider the story of Solomon’s coronation and his brother’s two attempts to seize the throne; that’ll give you an idea of the revolt newly crowned kings often faced (1 Kings 1:5-53; 2:13-25). Then read Psalm 2 while paying attention to how it fit Solomon’s situation.
Jesus’ First Coming: Consider the rebellion Jesus faced from Jewish and Roman rulers (Acts 4:24-29) as well as Satan’s forces (symbolized in Revelation 12). Think about how that rebellion causes the stuff that fills the newspaper—evil, injustice, violence, betrayal, death, pain. Think about the Christians in other nations who are persecuted and slaughtered. Read Psalm 2 in the context of the rebellion against Jesus on earth then and now.
Jesus’ Eternal Reign: Ponder Jesus’ future reign (the White Rider in Revelation 19:11-16; the Judgment in Revelation 20:11-14; the new heaven and earth in Revelation 22:1-8). Follow that by reading Psalm 2 with the kingdom of heaven in mind.

Royal Psalms: The Hope of Messiah’s Reign

What is the hope of royal psalms like Psalm 2? It’s the hope of Messiah Jesus’ reign.

Yes, all around us we see rebellion, rejection of God and his commands, great evils, violence, death, and tears. But that is coming to an end. King Jesus is coming. “Blessed are all who take refuge in him.”

What is the hope of royal psalms like Psalm 2? It's the hope of Messiah Jesus' reign. Share on X

July 16, 2015/3 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Encouragement, Psalms, Spiritual Practices

Psalm 2: Hope in the Midst of Injustice

Terrorists murder and maim. Con artists bilk the elderly. The rich exploit the poor. Abusers scar children. The promiscuous mock the chaste. Liars lock the innocent behind bars. Those who’ve sworn to uphold justice overturn it.

What is our hope in the midst of injustice? Psalm 2 tells us.

It’s a psalm originally composed for singing at the coronations of kings descended from David. It’s one of about ten psalms categorized as royal psalms because they’re about the Davidic monarchy.

Psalm 2:1-3 shows us from where injustice comes

A good, effective king was a cause for rejoicing. Such a king fought wickedness, judged righteously, executed justice, defended the poor, and crushed oppressors. A godly king brought the hope of justice and righteousness to the kingdom.

Since ancient Israel was a type of the heavenly kingdom, and King David was a type of King Jesus, royal psalms often have elements that apply to the kingdom of heaven and to Jesus’ reign. Psalm 2 is no exception, and the New Testament quotes it frequently, applying its words to Jesus, the Son of David. It foretells the crowning of Jesus the Anointed One—the Messiah—so it is also a Messianic psalm.

So what does Psalm 2 tell us?

God Decreed His Son King

Psalm 2:7a is the psalm’s center and tells us the psalm’s theme:

I will tell of the decree:

The rest of the verse explains the decree:

The Lord said to me,
“You are my Son;
today I have begotten you.”

This refers to the decree God made regarding King David. When David wanted to build a temple for the Lord, he asked the prophet Nathan to ask God if that would be acceptable.

That night the Lord spoke to Nathan and told him to tell David no, David would not build a house (that is, a temple) for God, but rather God would build a house (that is, a dynasty) for David. God decreed that he would establish the throne of David’s son’s kingdom forever (2 Samuel 7:13). These sons of David would be called sons of God—a political term in those days because lesser kings (vassals) were called “sons” of the greater king (suzerain) whom they served. David and his sons were to be vassals of God.

The first son of David to reign would be Solomon. Most Bible translations capitalize “Son” so you don’t miss that the last Son is Jesus, not son in the same political sense as David’s other sons—that was mere foreshadowing of the Son of God born of a virgin. It is Jesus’ throne that will last forever.

Well and good, but what does that have to do with the evil we see around us? For that we look back to the beginning of the psalm.

Many Rebel Against the Decree

Psalm 2:1-2 (see figure) tells of a rebellion of those who don’t want to submit to the newly crowned king. Newly crowned kings often faced rebellion from those ready to test their strength. In Jesus’ case, the religious leaders rebelled and turned Jesus over to Rome to be crucified on trumped-up charges. They celebrated, thinking the threat to their authority demolished. They didn’t know God had raised Jesus from the dead and anointed him king on the heavenly Mount Zion.

Psalm 2:10-12 the final answer to injustice

Psalm 2:10-12 Those who refuse God’s Son’s rule will perish, but those who embrace it will be blessed

When Jesus ascended to heaven, his followers proclaimed that Jesus was the Messiah who had sat down at the Father’s right hand. They offered the grace found in Psalm 2’s close: Be wise and warned, serve the Lord God, and “kiss the Son” (that is, pay homage to him as ruler) so that you will not perish, but have eternal life.

Today, Christians continue to spread this message in a world in which most still rebel.

For one day, trumpets will sound and the Lord will return (Matthew 24:31). On that day, it will be seen that all the plotting to reject his rule will be in vain (Psalm 2:1), and every knee will bow. Some will bow as the conquered bow, yielding to the inevitable before perishing. But those who willingly bowed on earth will bow then in gladness and joy, the hope of Jesus’ reign finally come.

“Blessed are all who take refuge in him” (Psalm 2:12). Yes, truly blessed: They will be in Jesus’ kingdom where there will be no injustice, no tears, no pain. All will be made right.

That is our hope in the midst of injustice today.

His Kingdom Comes!

Until that day, we pray, “Maranatha!” There in one word is the cry, “Our Lord, come!” (1 Corinthians 16:22). It encapsulates what Jesus teaches us to pray: “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10).

When we pray for God’s kingdom to come, we express our yearning for that kingdom in which our Lord rules with righteousness and justice. We offer ourselves as obedient servants longing to dwell under his reign. We agree that God’s commands are right and holy, and that justice demands sin’s wages be paid. We give thanks for Jesus paying the penalty for our sins through his death on the cross in order that we might live. We trust that as he rose from the dead, so shall we.

Maranatha!

Adapted from Discovering Hope in the Psalms (Harvest House, 2017)

July 1, 2015/0 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Encouragement

Every Cover-up to be Revealed—It’s a Promise

On Saturday, April 4, 2015, white police officer Michael Slager shot and killed an unarmed black man, Walter Scott. Officer Slager claimed Scott had grabbed his Taser and he had shot in self-defense. The story may have ended there except for one thing.

Feidin Santana, a barber walking to work, saw the officer “controlling” Scott and heard the Taser, so he recorded the unfolding events with his cellphone camera. When Santana later read the officer’s version of what happened, he turned the video over to the victim’s family.

Every cover-up to be revealed at the Judgment

On Judgment Day the Light will shine and every cover-up will be revealed

In the video, as the two men struggled, the Taser apparently drops to the ground, Scott breaks away from Slager and runs. Slager pulls his gun and fires at the fleeing man without warning. Scott falls to the ground some thirty feet away. Slager walks over, handcuffs him, returns to retrieve the Taser, and drops it next to Scott, in an apparent cover-up to make it appear that Scott had taken the Taser.

The family’s lawyer turned the footage over to the NY Times. Immediately after the video was made public, Slager was fired and charged with murder.

What Slager concealed the video revealed. If there’d been no video, Officer Slager’s story might have held.

On earth, that is.

Because here’s the promise that every person who’s been wrongly accused can hold to:

There is nothing concealed
that will not be revealed,
nor hidden
that will not be made known.
Matthew 10:26; Luke 12:2

Jesus said this is why his disciples needn’t fear those who can falsely malign and can kill the body but can’t kill the soul.

There’s a heavenly recording of everything. There’s a final judgment coming.

It’s a promise.

But it’s also a warning: “But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!” (Luke 12:5). We need to walk in the light by shunning hypocrisy, banishing lies, searching our hearts, and keeping our motives pure.

“The sins of some people are conspicuous, going before them to judgment, but the sins of others appear later. So also good works are conspicuous, and even those that are not cannot remain hidden.” 1 Timothy 5:24-25

May 21, 2015/2 Comments/by Jean E. Jones

Encouragement

The Journey of Childlessness

By Jean E. Jones

The pain of multiple miscarriages changed my perspective about God and faith.

April 2010 | Today’s Christian Woman

My gynecologist’s certainty gave me confidence: In a booming voice, incongruously deep for his small stature, he assured me that my baby was well, and I needn’t be worried over an earlier miscarriage. So my husband, Clay, and I joyfully celebrated the three-month milestone marking the pregnancy as safe.

It seemed life was unfolding just as we’d hoped: We’d married, Clay had completed seminary, and soon after his graduation, he was offered an associate pastorate. With a baby on the way, we once again had reason to celebrate.

A week after that prenatal visit, we headed to a beach-front hotel for a church staff conference. After a laughter-filled dinner full of excited chatter and congratulations over expecting our first child, I excused myself and sleepily returned to the hotel room. There, sitting in a stark white bathroom, I stared in shock at a bright red streak.

No, no—this couldn’t be happening.

The unfamiliar room, with its too perfectly arranged furniture and jarringly cheerful seascapes, amplified my disbelief. Mechanically, I crawled into the strange bed. I tugged at the cold sheet and foreign blanket, desperate for any bit of comfort, then pulled my Bible near.

“God, you know I’ve begged you to protect this baby,” I prayed. “God, please! I can’t cope with another miscarriage. Please heal my body and stop the bleeding. Please, don’t let me lose my baby.”

A couple hours later, Clay came in. He saw the anxiety in my expression and wrapped me in warm arms.

In the morning, we quietly drove home. By evening, labor began and I fought with everything in me to stop it. But by daylight, the battle was lost.

Difficult years followed, as my dream of motherhood shifted from joyous hope, to desperate pleading, to the grief of impossibility—and finally, to settled acceptance that it wasn’t to be. Looking back, I can see that contentment with childlessness was a journey with four major milestones. It began with changing what I mistakenly believed was a faith-filled response to difficulties.

Milestone 1: Developing an “Open-Eyed” Faith

Like many Christians, I’d memorized verses such as “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28) and “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). When bad things happened, I’d quote these verses, express my gratitude that God would eventually make everything right, and push away my questions. Trying to trust God, I did something akin to closing my eyes, putting my hands over my ears, and saying, “Lalalala—just have faith—lalalala.”

Giving thanks through the first miscarriage wasn’t as difficult because the pregnancy was unplanned. Clay was still in school, and I had a new job; I concluded it wasn’t the time for us to have children. The second miscarriage was different: We were ready to start a family, and I couldn’t identify any “good” that might result from our loss. Nonetheless, I quoted verses, thanked God, and made every effort to stay positive. “It must be God’s will, so it’s fine with me,” I told my friends.

I thought I was doing well spiritually. At least, I didn’t feel angry with God. Actually, I didn’t feel anything toward God. That vaguely concerned me, but I wrote it off as emotional exhaustion.

Then one afternoon, I discovered that a houseguest had stacked my get-well cards out of sight. Furious, I wanted to scream, “How dare you move my things without asking me?” I grabbed the cards, slapped them on the coffee table, and sank into the sofa.

What’s wrong with me? I wondered. Slowly I realized I might be angry. And worse, I might be angry with God. Is that even safe?

I picked up my Bible and scanned the concordance for “anger.” Passages described God as slow to anger and full of understanding and compassion. Perhaps it’s okay to tell God what I’m feeling.

I went for a walk to be alone with God and came upon an empty schoolyard.

“God, I think I might be angry,” I prayed, stuffing my hands into my jeans pockets. “It’s possible that I might even be mad at you.”

A dried-out patch of dirt caught my eye. Its barrenness irked me: There should have been grass in that spot, not scraggly weeds. I kicked at a rock that was partly buried in the dirt.

“God, I am angry. How could you allow another miscarriage when I repeatedly told you that I couldn’t handle it?”

Emotion-charged words began to flow freely. I pressed God with every question: “I’m your child—why did you let this happen to me?” I exposed every fear: “I won’t be able to enjoy a future pregnancy! And how can I face those church members who think my miscarriage was due to a lack of faith?” I expressed every hurt, particularly that I felt inadequate as a woman. And I listed every reason why I thought God should have intervened.

“Everyone else can have children—why can’t I?”

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew I’d misspoken. Many women cannot have children; some also have no husband. Then it hit me: I’d felt entitled to motherhood. This was the root of my anger. I felt God had denied me a “right.”

I stepped into the street to avoid a row of oleanders, glancing at the glossy evergreens full with clusters of red, pink, and white flowers. They bloomed almost year-round despite scorching temperatures, drought, and poor soil—the same soil that only a few steps back barely supported a scattering of weeds.Is this what you want from me, God: to grow and blossom despite tough circumstances?

Hesitantly, I began to thank God for his love and faithfulness—only a truly loving Father would allow his child to come beat on his chest. It was difficult at first, but I recognized that in his infinite wisdom, God had allowed a circumstance that would cause me to grow. While I still couldn’t identify any specific good that would result from my loss, now I could acknowledge, by faith, that God would indeed work it out.

This change in me was subtle, but significant. In the past, whenever trials occurred, I closed my eyes to the problem, thinking it was good to shut out anything that might challenge my faith. But while closed eyes can’t see problems, they also can’t see God.

When I “opened my eyes”—presenting my problems and questions to God rather than hiding from them—I began to find answers and understand God better. As a result, my faith in God’s goodness grew.

Milestone 2: Choosing God’s Will

After the second miscarriage, my doctor boomed assurances that there was still nothing to worry about. I asked if there was a point at which having a child became less likely. He answered with too much finality, “After five sequential miscarriages, it’s impossible.”

A third loss soon followed. Avoiding my eyes, he ordered numerous tests. Weeks later, I sat eagerly at his desk, awaiting answers that would fix everything. Still evading eye contact, he said nothing had been found except a low hormone that couldn’t be replaced without causing birth defects. I’m not sure how I managed to reach the car before bursting into tears.

Reluctantly, I began to face that we might not have children. I felt I’d always meant it when I told God, “Thy will be done.” And while I wanted to submit fully to God’s will, I couldn’t quite let go of my desire to be a mom.

One day, while asking God to help me surrender my will, I remembered another prayer from years before. As a young Christian, on realizing the totality of God’s forgiveness, I’d prayed with immense gratitude, “God, if you never answer another prayer for me, that’s fine. Salvation is enough.”

Now I felt God whispering, “Did you mean it?”

Instantly, I was ready to answer. The miscarriages—even childlessness—were miniscule compared to the enormous and costly gift of salvation. Resolutely, I told God, “Yes, I meant it. Salvation is enough.” When I chose God’s will over my own, I took a big step toward contentment.

Milestone 3: Seeking an Eternal Perspective

Clay and I discussed adoption, but the cost was out of reach on a pastor’s budget. Besides, what if God had a special ministry in mind for us? We ruled adoption out.

I wondered if my life could be fulfilling without children. As I searched the Bible and prayed, I realized that having children was not eternally valuable in itself, while having one’s faith refined is of great value to all believers (1 Peter 1:6-8). God so valued my faith that he used the losses to expose and remove impurities, such as false beliefs and fear-based responses. Plus, by faithfully enduring hardships, I’d gain something forever valuable: an eternal glory that would far outweigh earthly losses (2 Corinthians 4:17). The more I grasped this eternal perspective, the more content I became.

Milestone 4: Offering Sacrificial Praise

At the fifth miscarriage, I mourned not just the loss of the baby, but the loss of ever bearing children. The lessons I’d learned were helping me to cope, but one question still stymied me. So I prayed: “God, Psalms 37:4 says if I delight myself in you, you’ll give me the desires of my heart. I am delighting myself in you. I don’t understand. Why aren’t you giving me the desire of my heart?” Once again I sensed a question to me: “What is the greatest desire of your heart?” My answer came with ease: “Following you, God.”

At that moment, I realized all of life involves choosing between conflicting desires. Our choices reveal what we value most. I suddenly understood sacrificial praise (Hebrews 13:15) in a new way: choosing to praise and glorify God by relinquishing something costly. I wanted to offer sacrificial praise, but finding the words was hard, so I pictured my prayer.

I imagined placing my desire for children and the question, “Why?” in a box. I wrapped the box with pale green paper and tied it with gold ribbon, then placed it at the foot of Jesus’ cross, shining softly through a dark night at the bottom of a hill.

I prayed, “This is my gift to you. On Resurrection Day, if you want to open this gift and show me “Why?”—that’s fine. And if you don’t, that’s fine too—I think answers won’t be a priority when I’m overjoyed by being with you.”

As the days went on, every time I hurt, every time I yearned, I brought this picture to mind and prayed, “This is my gift to you.”

I expected not to see many reasons during my life for why God chose this path for me. With “Why?” in the box, I no longer looked for answers. But the years have shown it to be a path of character growth, a better understanding of God, and special ministries, including caring for abused children that couldn’t be placed in families with children. Surprisingly, I can honestly say the blessings have already been more than worth the hardships.

Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless

May 4, 2015/3 Comments/by Jean E. Jones