Tag Archive for: leadership

Today guest blogger, Janet Thompson, shares about the importance of mingling generations in both small groups and mentoring relationships. I reviewed her terrific book, Mentoring for all Seasons, last week. Enjoy!

Mentoring for all seasonsMy husband and I met in a small group at Saddleback Church. We’ve been small group leaders since the early days of our marriage. Our first group to lead together was a Gary Smalley Making Love Last Forever couples group. While the couples were all married longer, we were the spiritually and chronologically older couple in the group.

We’ve gone on to lead Parents of Prodigals groups, small groups, couples groups, and Bible studies. Now we live in a rural mountain town, attend a small community church, and lead a couples small group. So we’re firm believers in small groups.

But here are some things I’ve learned about groups:

  1. Someone can get lost in a group. They may be dealing with issues they’re not comfortable talking about in a group so their problems stay hidden; but they’ll be open and vulnerable in a one-on-one mentoring relationship.
  2. There must be a spiritually older and mature Christian in the group, preferably leading.
  3. A group consisting of everyone at the same spiritual level, especially new in their faith or less spiritually mature, may become dissuaded and confused about the truth in the Bible.
  4. If the group is spiritually older Christians, they may not challenge each other to grow in their faith. They need to take their knowledge, wisdom, and experience and join or start a group of spiritually younger believers or seekers. This is biblical and part of God’s plan for the church.

When the young pastor Titus was starting a church plant in Crete and knew he couldn’t run the church by himself, Paul gave him instructions regarding the men and women in the church . . . I like The Message translation. Notice what Paul says is the “job” of every Christian:

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.  

But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane. Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around. (Titus 2:1-8 The Message, emphasis added)

These are foundation verses for mentoring and for the first men’s and women’s ministry in the church! Every ministry should have the same mission statement and focus of spiritually older men and women teaching and training the godly life to the spiritually younger in all areas of the church. But over the years, ministry has drifted away from this focus, and sadly, the generations often segregate rather than learning from each other.

To understand the full impact of Titus 2:1-8, we need to read the issues Paul was addressing in the previous verses. It sounds a lot like our world today:

Everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure. But nothing is pure to those who are corrupt and unbelieving, because their minds and consciences are corrupted. Such people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live. They are detestable and disobedient, worthless for doing anything good. (Titus 1:15-16 NLT)

Titus 2:1-8 was Paul’s antidote for guiding the next generation of believers to discern between corrupt, detestable, disobedient mistruths of deceivers and the true teachings of obedient followers of Jesus Christ and His Word, the Bible.

6 Ways Mentoring Brings the Generations Together

  1. Recognize that women and men are always experiencing a new life season. How is your men’s and women’s ministry reaching each person in his or her season?

Incorporating an aspect of mentoring into all ministries allows a person who has gone through a life season to mentor those experiencing something similar. We’re always coming out of a season where we can mentor and going into a new one where we need a mentor. Mentors aren’t always chronologically older, but they’re always spiritually older. Maybe not by very much, but they should have more experience walking with the Lord than their mentee.

  1. Every ministry team should include younger and older members. In The Team That Jesus Built, I point out that a healthy, well-balanced team will have members representing:
  • A wide age range
  • All seasons of life
  • Varied personalities
  • Different spiritual gifts
  1. Also in the Team That Jesus Built, I stress the importance of every ministry and team leader mentoring an apprentice. A leader’s responsibility is to develop the next generation of leaders.
  2. Every facet of ministry should include spiritually older mentors—wherever the congregation is meeting. Be careful not to let ministries divide into “identity groups.” For example, a “moms group” should welcome all moms in all stages of motherhood—older, empty nest, stay-at-home, moms-in-waiting, working, adoptive, and grandmothers who can provide wisdom to younger moms.
  3. New believers need to know how to live the Christian life as a man or woman in all life seasons. They need a mentor.
  4. I would be remiss not to include a Mentoring Ministry. Matching a spiritually older mentor who has experienced a life season that the mentee is now experiencing is invaluable, as many of the sixty-five mentors and mentees share in my new book, Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness.

Young people are crying out for spiritually older Christians to come alongside them, but they may not know how to ask or find one who will take the time. We must do everything possible to bring the generations together in our churches, not separate them. The older generation should know how much the younger generation needs their wisdom and experience. God wants that “One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts” Psalm 145:4.

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Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness is available now on Amazon, Kindle, and Signed by the Author at her website.

Author Bio

Mentoring Janet ThompsonJanet Thompson is an international speaker, freelance editor, and award-winning author of 19 books. Her latest release, Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness, is available at all Christian bookstores, online book stores, Amazon, and signed by Janet at her website store, where you can see more of her books.

She is also the author of Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten; Team That Jesus Built; Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?; Dear God They Say It’s Cancer; Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter; and Woman to Woman Mentoring: How to Start, Grow, & Maintain a Mentoring Ministry Resources.

She is the founder of Woman to Woman Mentoring and About His Work Ministries.

Visit Janet and sign up for her Monday Morning Blog and online newsletter at womantowomanmentoring.com

You can also visit Janet at:

 

Review of 9 books

Summer reading pile

Here I review nine of my favorite books from this summer’s reading pile. They range from serious to downright fun in these categories:

  • Consciousness, the Soul & the Brain
  • Worship & Art
  • Christian Living
  • Inspirational Fiction

Consciousness, the Soul & the Brain

Review:  The Soul: How We know It’s Real and Why It Matters

By J. P. Moreland

Reading Level: College
I loved this slim book. It made sense of the many verses about the soul. The chapter on what the Bible teaches on the soul is terrific and worth the price of the book by itself. Chapter Four: The Reality of the Soul uses philosophical arguments to prove the soul’s existence, but if you lack a background in philosophy or symbolic logic, you could skip this chapter. Then the final chapter on the future of the human person discusses Near Death Experiences as well as what the Bible teaches on the afterlife. While the vocabulary is sometimes steep, every chapter ends with a review of key concepts and key vocabulary, so that makes it doable.

Here’s a quotation that gives the gist of Moreland’s position (page 51):

Old Testament teaching about life after death is best understood in terms of a diminished though conscious form of disembodied personal survival in an intermediate state.

Review: Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School

By John Medina

Reading Level: College
This was a thoroughly fun and informative book. The 12 rules explore the way factors affect the brain: exercise, sleep, stress, wiring, attention, memory, sensory integration, vision, music, gender, and exploration. Medina includes lots of case studies and lots of ideas to enhance learning. He advises both teachers and parents on how to help others learn. He shatters myths. Here’s a sample (191):

When it comes to both recognition memory and working memory, pictures and text follow very different rules. Put simply, the more visual the input becomes, the more likely it is to be recognizedand recalled. It’s called the pictorial superiority effect.

I happened to finish this book while I was also reading J. P. Moreland’s book on the soul, making for an interesting juxtaposition of one scientist attributing the wonders of the brain to evolution, and the other to God.

Worship & Art

Review: Word Pictures: Knowing God Through Story & Imagination

By Brian Godawa

Reading level: College
This is a fascinating look at balancing reason with imagination when expressing faith. An award-winning screenwriter, Godawa begins by explaining how he used to try to argue people into the faith through reason and logic alone, but often fell short. He examines the Bible’s use of story and art, and talks about art (and rejection of art) in church history. Then he looks at how the arts can be used to present the gospel message. He says (72):

Our Western bias toward rational discourse can too easily blind us to the biblical power of story and word pictures to embody truth.

Every chapter uses a different typeface, giving each its own feel. Pictures adorn most pages, nicely supporting his points. I highly recommend this book for anyone looking to use the various arts to spread the gospel, including literary, visual, and performing arts.

Review: Complete Guide to Bible Journaling: Creative Techniques to Express Your Faith

By Joanne Fink & Regina Yoder

Reading Level: High School
My co-authors, Pam Farrel and Karla Dornacher, introduced me to Bible journaling. Wanting to learn more, I ordered this terrific book. It begins with an explanation of what Bible journaling is (8):

In its simplest definition, Bible journaling is a way to express your faith creatively. Putting pen to paper is a great way to remember and record biblical concepts that are meaningful and relevant to your life.

The book explains tools and techniques, profiles 11 artists (including Karla!), and presents a gallery of different artists’ works. The artists share how turning Scripture into art helps them meditate on God’s word, apply it to their lives, and remember Scripture. This is a great book for anyone wanting to use art to creatively express Scripture.

Review: Whitework with Colour (Milner Craft Series)

By Trish Burr

Reading Level: High School
I’ve always loved whitework embroidery, which historically uses white thread on a white background worked in a variety of stitches that provide texture and shades. Burr adds a bit of color to her whitework, and it makes for gorgeous pieces.

This beautiful, full color book begins with the basics of whitework: materials, preparation, color, and stitches. Then it moves into 17 projects separated by difficulty level. The projects include patterns to trace, stitch diagrams, thread keys, and instructions. The instructions are easy to follow, and she provides videos on her website.

I’d already begun a whitework project before I received this for my birthday, and the book’s instructions greatly improved my stitches. I used the techniques to embroider the Psalm 73 bookmark from my book, Discovering Hope in the Psalms. (I’d already colored the background before I decided to try whitework.)

Christian Living

Review: Tattered and Mended: The Art of Healing the Wounded Soul

By Cynthia Ruchti

Reading Level: High School
What a gem this is! The author’s prose sings as she compares the ways artists restore damaged art with the ways God restores damaged souls. Each chapter unfolds as a hope-filled parable. Then the book concludes with comforting advice to those in the mending process. What I like best is the value Ruchti observes in tattered art and wounded souls as each awaits restoration.

As God mended what had been broken in meboth in body and spiritI began to see that he wasn’t merely replacing faded material or restitching seams that had loosened. He was embroidering a design that would forever remind me of the story of what I’d been through … and how near he drew.

Review: Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences & God’s Faithfulness

By Janet Thompson

Reading Level: High School

This is the best book I’ve read on spiritual mentoring, hands down. Janet Thompson begins with an introduction explaining how she came to start a mentoring ministry. Section One explains the biblical call to mentor, how churches can avoid generation gaps in their ministries, and the basics of connecting mentors with mentees.

Section Two Describes life seasons and the type of mentoring women need in each season. For each season, Thompson gives tips for both mentors and mentees, Scriptures to discuss, personal stories from mentors and mentees, a short Bible story, and discussion questions. I particularly liked Thompson’s guidelines for establishing boundaries so no one feels like they’re being asked for more time than they’ve agreed to give, and for making sure expectations are clearly discussed up front.

The epilogue finishes with a variety of short topics such as tips on choosing a mentor, setting realistic expectations, Do’s and Don’ts, mentor vulnerability, advice for when mentoring is hard, and resources.

I highly recommend this book for Christian women who want to both grow spiritually and help others grow.

Review: Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages

By Darlene Schacht

Reading Level: High School
Darlene Schacht begins with the powerful story of her husband discovering she had had an affair and his decision to offer grace. Then she reveals the vulnerable story of how they put their marriage back together piece by piece, with God’s help. After the introductory chapter, each chapter focuses on one key concept for making marriage work, such as “Appreciate Him for Who He Truly Is.” The writing is tender and encouraging, never overbearing. Here’s a sample (174):

Contentment requires us to trade personal and immediate gratification for a heightened sense of appreciation.

I recommend this book for any newlywed or any wife looking to improve her marriage.

Inspirational Fiction

Review: Turtles in the Road: A Novel

By Rhonda Rhea & Kaley Rhea

Reading Level: High School
This is a sweet, delightful romantic comedy with hilarious dialog. Two Christians try to follow God’s plan for their lives. But they fumble a bit in the funniest of ways. Then friends and a wise older couple step in with words of wisdom as a romance slowly and sweetly develops. This is the relaxing, funny kind of book I like to read just before bedtime. And on Kindle, it’s $2.99!

Here’s the opening paragraph:

Normally a nice long solo drive had a calming effect on Piper. All alone, no interruptions, just her, the Lord, and the open road. She’d done some of her best thinking on long road trips. Some of her best praying. Some of her worst singing.

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A small group leader asks: “My discussion group is quiet, and I seem to be doing most of the talking. The group members complete a workbook at home, but they’re not sharing their answers much. Do you have any ideas about how to encourage more discussion?”

Encouraging More Talk in Discussion Groups

A reminder to ask my group to summarize a passage appears in the upper right of my workbook

This is a question I’ve spent a lot of time praying about over the years! Here are twelve tips that have helped me draw quiet people out more so that everyone feels enriched by the discussion and group members help each other grow.

Before the Group

Pray for the discussion

Before the meeting, I pray that the group members will learn from God’s word, share openly and honestly, feel safe, and help each other grow. I also pray for the Holy Spirit’s presence, wisdom, and guidance.

During the Meeting

Ask quietest people to read

I mark Scripture passages and quotations in my study guide that I want read during the meeting. I ask the quietest people to read them. Often hearing their own voice is enough to prime the pump and get the words flowing. Even if not, it helps them feel like they’re participating.

Replace summaries with leading questions

When a lesson covers a Bible passage too long to read, I don’t summarize it myself. Instead, I ask the group to summarize the passage. If no one volunteers immediately, I ask leading questions until I’ve drawn out all pertinent facts. “This lesson had us read the story of Moses sending the explorers into the Promised Land; who would like to summarize what happened? … What did Moses ask them to do? … When they returned, what did Joshua and Caleb say? … How did that differ from what the other ten spies said?”

Make silence your friend

Quiet people wait for silence before talking, so you need to provide silent pauses. I ask a question and then smile as I look around the group expectantly. I let the silence encourage talking. If I see hesitation in someone’s face, I nod encouragingly. If the silence continues, I ask, “Who has thoughts on this?”—which suggests partial answers are fine and usually draws responses.

If, however, there’s more silence, I rephrase the question, perhaps breaking it into simpler parts. The original question may have been too hard or may have been worded unclearly, so if needed, I’ll ask leading questions until the group understands the question and comes to answers that satisfy them.

Say when a discussion question has no wrong answers

Opinion and personal questions usually have no wrong answers. Saying, “There are no wrong answers on this question, so what are your thoughts?” gives people the freedom to express their opinion without fear of judgment and encourages those who hold strong opinions to keep their tone soft. This builds acceptance of differences in non-essentials,  makes the group members feel sharing is safe, and encourages more talk.

Give everyone who wants to a chance to share

On questions with multiple answers, I make sure everyone who wants to share has a chance by looking back and forth between those who haven’t answered yet and asking, “Does anyone have more to add?” Making sure everyone participates who wants to lets group members know their input is valuable and encourages more sharing.

Affirm answers

Thanking people as they share and especially affirming open, insightful answers encourages more sharing. If I hear several thoughtful answers in a row, I’ll tell the group: “You’re giving great answers! Who else has something to share?” That helps everyone feel sharing is safe.

During the meeting, when I get to a question that was hard to answer, I say something like, “I had to come back to this question and really think.” This models what I hope they will do at home and encourages group members to spend time reflecting on answers so they’ll have more to share.

I seldom correct mistakes; correct answers usually come out as the discussion continues. If someone obviously misinterprets a question, I might say, “You know, I understood the question a little differently. Did anyone interpret this question another way?” (Since that’s the same thing I say if a question has multiple interpretations, no one feels corrected.)

Ask group members to share one answer each on list questions

For questions that ask for a list of answers, I ask people to share one answer each until everyone has shared.

Don’t answer non-personal questions yourself, or answer last

On fact questions or discussion questions that aren’t personal, I try to draw out all the answers from the group. If I have anything to add, I answer last.

Answer first on personal discussion questions

For personal questions I answer first to set the example of openness and brevity. I’m honest and open about my shortcomings and struggles, and this helps others to feel safe enough to do likewise. Small group members are seldom more transparent than the group leader, so this encourages open sharing.

(If I have a talkative, transparent group, though, I’ll answer first at the beginning of the discussion to set the example of how long to talk, then I switch to answering last.)

After the Group Meeting

Affirm transparency

People often second-guess sharing intimately and worry that their openness will lead to others thinking poorly of them. I call or email those who show vulnerability, expressing thanks for their transparency and assuring them that their openness will help the other group members grow and feel safe enough to share openly too.

Ask the reason for quietness during discussion

If someone talked little, I’ll privately ask, “I noticed you didn’t share much. Was there something going on?” Here are common replies and how I usually respond:

“I had a fight with my husband and was in a funk.”

People distracted by worry are always grateful for a listening ear and heartfelt prayer. And they’re so glad you asked what was happening. They’ll feel loved and accepted, essential to open sharing.

“I didn’t get my homework done.”

I assure people who didn’t finish their lessons that I’m glad they came anyway, and to always feel free on the personal questions to listen to the other answers to get their gist and then jump in with their thoughts.

“I’m new to the Bible and don’t want to look stupid.”

I tell them I’m glad they’re there and assure them everyone has felt that way at some point and can relate. In future meetings, I include some simple fact questions and look to them to answer first (without being obvious) so their confidence builds. I call a couple days before future meetings and ask if they have any questions about the homework.

***

If you’re a small group leader, what are  ways you’ve successfully encouraged more talk in quiet groups?

Posts Related to Discussion Groups
Posts Related to Easter

 

I’ve finished The Story: Personal Journal & Discussion Guide and you can get it free on the Subscriber Specials page, which you can access here! This guidebook takes you through the overall grand themes of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. It accompanies Zondervan’s The Story, which groups Bible excerpts into thirty-one chapters. The Personal Journal & Discussion Guide adds questions that help you apply the concepts you’re learning to your life and that stimulate robust discussions. It explains history and adds charts to help you grasp the big ideas more easily.

Picture of 'The Story: Personal Journal & Discussion Guide'

The Story: Personal Journal & Discussion Guide

Shelley Leith, National Church Coach and Story Specialist at Zondervan, called this guide “a phenomenal, high-engagement tool”! Cool, huh?

Nearly 200 women in my church started going through The Story with simple discussion questions when we realized we needed more in-depth questions that would help everyone apply the passages they were reading to their everyday lives and that would provide more explanation for those who wanted it. So I wrote this discussion guide for them. Our women’s ministry director, Lori Marshall, sent a couple lessons off to Zondervan, and now Zondervan is adding them to their free online resource library.

Acknowledgements

I owe a quite a few people some great big thanks.

Thank you first of all to my wonderful husband, Clay, who is always my first reader and offers invaluable insights (it helps that he holds a doctor of ministry degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and is a full-time professor in the Master of Arts in Christian apologetics program at Biola University). He also did everything he could to free my time when I was in a crunch.

Thank you, Lori Marshall, for entrusting this project to me, and for the encouragement, insights, and kind notes you gave along the way.

Thank you to all the other readers who advised and proofed: Lori Marshall, Holly Robaina, Donna Jones, and Kerrie Parlett. Thank you, too, to Cathryn Wade who is a joy to work with and who kept everything updated and posted at Crossline. Thank you, Angie Wright, who suggested creating discussion pages so people like she who do the lessons as a personal journal would have a place to interact. Thank you as well to our awesome women’s prayer team led by Gerri Donnelly—I so appreciated your prayers!

Thank you to the nearly 200 women who tested lessons 8 to 31 and gave such wonderful encouragement and support. Also, thank you to the women in my smaller summer Bible study group who tested the first seven lessons for me (they attend seven different churches so their perspectives were great).

‘Seek’ ~ A new book by Donna Jones

I’ve started many seeker and new believer Bible studies over the years, and this is the book I wish I’d had: Seek: A woman’s guide to meeting God. Too often I’ve used books that lost women in the first two weeks as theological terms bounced about causing more confusion than clarity.

That isn’t the case with Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God (affiliate link).
.

I had the privilege of reading a few chapters before publication, and I felt immediately as if I were sitting down with a hot mug of Earl Grey talking to a dear friend. Okay, the author, Donna Jones, is such a friend. But it was the warm, endearing tone that pulled me in. The book is filled with delightful stories that illustrate spiritual concepts in ways that just make sense—that make you go “Aha!” And each chapter ends with questions ideal for discussion groups.

Look at the way she begins explaining trusting in false beliefs:

In second grade I read a book that, quite frankly, no child with my personality traits should have been allowed to read. Though I can’t recall the title, the book was filled with sure-fire ways to win party games, including one game my friends inevitably played at birthday parties—Pin the Tail on the Donkey. While this handy manual conceded no fool proof way to win Pin the Tail on the Donkey existed apart from cheating, it did, however, outline a little known rule: A secondary prize should always be given to the child whose tail is furthest away from the donkey, in addition to the first place prize awarded to the child whose tail is closest. My eyes widened and my heart beat wildly as my seven-year-old mind unraveled the implications of discovering this life-altering revelation. I would never go home empty handed from a party again!

Donna is a long-time Bible teacher who knows what questions women have and is skilled in answering them. I’ve listened to Donna teach for the past five years and love her humor and down-to-earth explanations that engage seekers, new believers, and long-time Christians alike.

So if you

  • want a book for a neighborhood Bible study
  • need materials for teaching Bible essentials to your church’s women
  • have a seeker friend who might read a warm, inviting, non-intimidating book
  • have always wanted a clear explanation of Christian essentials

…then check out Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God (affiliate link).for details.

What can we learn from Jesus about making people feel valued, especially in small groups? Plenty—especially from the way he treated a woman too shy to speak to him.

She wasn’t ready to open up

Jesus was on his way to heal the daughter of an important man, Jairus. Jairus was a synagogue ruler, while this woman hiding in the crowd hadn’t been to synagogue in twelve years. She couldn’t—not with this bleeding problem that made her “unclean.” Any place she sat became unclean too, so she didn’t get out much.

She couldn’t get up the nerve to talk to Jesus. After all, who would be interested in a penniless woman who wasn’t the daughter of anyone special?

The crowd pressed all around him. She really shouldn’t have been there in her state, but she longed for healing. She’d been ostracized for so long. She needn’t bother him, after all: she’d just slip in from behind, touch his cloak—that’s all it would take, she was sure—and then disappear among the multitude. No one would notice.

But someone did.

Jesus felt power going out of him and knew someone had touched him and been healed, someone who wouldn’t venture to ask for healing. But healing her physically wasn’t enough. He turned and called out, “Who touched my clothes?”

She didn’t answer. Perhaps she froze in confusion, thoughts racing through her mind. Will he be angry I touched him when I’m unclean? Jairus and all the important people must be furious at this delay! What will everyone think if I speak up?

Talkative people exuberantly move from one subject to another

Not hearing an immediate answer, Jesus’ disciples wanted to move on. But Jesus didn’t. He kept looking around.

She finally spoke up, shaking with fear. She may have stumbled over her words, felt the warmth of a blush on her face, winced as it turned to red-hot burning.

Jesus listened to the whole story: she had bled for twelve long years and spent all her money on doctors, but only gotten worse. When she heard Jesus was near, she thought if she could just touch his clothes, she could be free without bothering him. She had touched his cloak and felt healed immediately.

Jesus gave her his full attention, as if he thought her words important. This made the crowds acknowledge her and give her their full attention too. Everyone is looking at me! She glanced up and saw gentle eyes, eyes that bade her talk. And a kind smile that told her all was well. She locked her eyes on his.

People blossom when they feel valued & accepted

After Jesus listened, he called her “daughter”! Yes, “daughter.” She who hadn’t been the daughter of someone important like a synagogue ruler, was now being called daughter by this great man. What did it mean?

He said her faith had healed her and to go in peace. So he wasn’t mad. No, he was pleased she had approached him. She, a woman of no consequence who dared but touch his garment unnoticed, had been noticed, healed, and freed.

She smiled shyly and looked around. She saw compassion in the faces of tenderhearted people. She hadn’t expected this.

“Be freed from your suffering,” he said. Yes, she was free. She knew it!  Free not just from sickness, but from feeling alone, forgotten, and inconsequential.

***

If you’re not shy:

  • You can look around—like Jesus did—to find that man standing alone at church and the woman sitting quietly at a gathering.
  • Draw others out and listen to their stories.
  • Let others know they’re family and they’re valued.

If you’re shy:

  • Take heart from Jesus’ tenderness towards the timid woman.
  • The thoughtful statements of the more quiet are often insightful, so go ahead, take courage, and speak.
  • Know that shyness makes you no less valuable: a family needs members with all kinds of gifts, including the quiet gifts.
  • Go in peace, for you matter greatly to Jesus.

If you’re a small group leader:

  • You can imitate Jesus by looking around for the quiet people who take a little longer to speak up and encouraging them with a smile.
  • Help the talkative people not rush ahead when there’s a pause; show you’re not afraid of silence so they won’t be either.
  • Give those sharing your full attention—that shows you value both them and what they have to say; it also encourages others to do the same.
  • Treat all like family—after all, that’s what they are.
  • When people share something self-disclosing, let them know later privately how appreciative you are and how their courage will help others—it will give them peace and free them from the second guessing that all but the most self-assured feel.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’“ But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” ~Mark 5:30-34